


As We Walked In Fields of Gold

by Naril



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Canonical Character Death, F/M, Figrid - Freeform, Fix-It, Gandalf gets told off, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I couldn't let them all die, I'm Sorry Tolkien, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Old Bilbo Baggins, References to Canon, Sorry Not Sorry, Thorin is still dead, Warning: description of surgery, messing with Elvish Healing, no king!Fíli, papa!Fíli
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-03-10 07:57:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 36,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3282806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naril/pseuds/Naril
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sixty years after the Battle of Five Armies, Bilbo is living peacefully in Rivendell having just finished his book. He is visited by an unexpected friend passing through on his way to see his brother and elven lover and finds the stories he wrote down are only part of a much larger picture. Check the tags for warnings and Character death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t even know when I jumped on the Figrid carriage of the denial train, but here we are and I need this out of my system before the EE comes out and destroys my sweet denial by showing us the funeral scene for Durin’s heirs… just… nope! I literally can't! The Song and Title are from Fields of Gold by Sting and I can't be the only one who thinks it's Tolkienesque :)

***

"There is one thing I would like to know old friend." Fíli took a moment to take a deep drag from his pipe. "Why does your book say we perished alongside uncle?" He looked over at the quite elderly hobbit from where he sat next to him on a low stone bench, looking out into the peaceful valley of Rivendell.

Bilbo coughed on his own longbottom leaf, startled. It made the blonde dwarf chuckle, that he was able to fluster him just like in the old days when he had been their unexpected burglar.

"What was I to do? A good story ties up neatly and follows one simple adventure. How was I to include your brother's tie to a woodelf? And the fact that neither of you wanted the throne? Not to mention my dear fellow that you did so to be free to marry a daughter of men, Bard's child no less? No, no, no. It would have run for another three volumes. I am only glad I finished the one book." He put his pipe down for a moment, looking at the dwarf seriously. 

His old eyes were sad as he took in the changes in the dwarf who had grown into his prime, golden beard long enough to form a single braid, though still trimmed shorter than others his age kept it. He wondered if it was a tribute to his uncle who he heard once wore it in such a fashion or for practicality. A blacksmith could not afford to be vain after all when he may quickly light himself on fire. ”You didn't mind all that much, did you?" 

Fíli smiled sadly under his moustache braids, which though a little thicker remained unchanged much like the thick mane of hair. At least something, Bilbo noted, because the expression in his blue eyes was far too full of grief for his liking.

"I'd rather future generations believe we died heroic deaths than disgrace sweet Sigrid and my uncle. My decision reflects in him and mother and though she was furious, she was also happy for us. But it was not the honourable way." 

"That is because your people have a strange sense of honour. Endearing, but strange, if you don't mind me saying. Forgive an old hobbit for assuming that your decision to be erased from the chronicles of this Age was giving him license to let his imagination run away with him." 

There was silence as they enjoyed their respective pipes. Bilbo eventually lowered his, glancing nervously at the dwarf. He had been overjoyed to see him, but did not need to ask to know what had made him pack up his things and leave Dale when his life had been there. “May… may I ask what… what happened?” He stumbled over the words, not feeling like he had been delicate enough. 

Fíli’s eyes darkened immediately. “Last winter,… she had grown quite old for her people I understand… she caught a chill that…” He swallowed hard, taking another deep draw of pipe weed, “she had never been sick… not noticeably, you know. For the longest time she pretended it was nothing to worry about… until…” He turned his head up to look into the clear sky. “A coughing fit had her so weak she could no longer stand and by the time I had forced her into bed and a healer had come, it had gone on too long. Her lungs…” 

Bilbo could see the unshed tears in his eyes and reached over to place a gentle hand on his shoulder. “You don’t have to… I understand.”

“I held her.” Fíli could not stifle the sob then, Bilbo wondered how long he had tried to be strong and held onto this, since he was wont to do so. Even on the quest he had always tried to keep a stoic front though he had been so very young. “I held her w-when… she passed and I thank Mahal that I was there for her. No one should leave this world alone, Bilbo. I-I know what it feels like when you believe that…” 

At this point Bilbo decided that whether Fíli would allow it or not he cared no longer and hugged the blonde dwarf close to offer some comfort. He also remembered quite vividly those terrible moments when the young dwarf had been dangled by the collar as a taunt in front of his uncle and then stabbed in the back unable to even face the intended killing blow. He closed his eyes, feeling the horror well up inside of him again, remembering how they had been so helpless and unable to even comfort him as he fell.

“It is no dishonour to mourn like this Fíli, son of Dis. Besides you’re no longer in need of a royal front.” He whispered to him soothingly, trying to focus on the present instead of the past and the scars it left all of them with, physical or not. 

He tried not to gasp then when Fíli wrapped his arms around him in a vice like grip and buried his face in his shoulder, sobs suddenly wrecking him freely. Bilbo gently hummed under his breath, much like he would when Frodo had cried when he had been little and still suffering from nightmares about his parents. 

> “…You’ll remember me when the west wind moves  
>  Upon the fields of barley  
>  You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky  
>  As we walk in fields of gold
> 
> So she took her love  
> For to gaze awhile Upon the fields of barley  
> In his arms she fell as her hair came down  
> Among the fields of gold
> 
> Will you stay with me, will you be my love  
> Among the fields of barley  
> We'll forget the sun in his jealous sky  
> As we lie in fields of gold…”

He quietly began to sing, the words coming to him easily for he had thought of this untold story and many others for a long while after he had finished his book. Some may call him a sentimental old fool, in particular he pictured a dwarf with raven hair and sapphire eyes, but Bilbo had always been a poet at heart. 

Slowly, Fíli’s sobs began to quieten down, his shoulders no longer shaking so hard that it jostled Bilbo as he held him. “She was so strong, Bilbo. I remember whenever it pained me to see signs of her age, of the fact that I would lose her, she would hold me tight, telling me that nothing mattered but the present and we needed to enjoy it while we could.” He mumbled into the old hobbit’s shoulder. 

When they moved apart, Fíli reached down to pick up his pipe which had fallen to the ground forgotten. “Most of my people live in the past; past glories, past grudges… She taught me to just live in the here and now.” Bilbo smiled sadly at him, still resting a hand on the broad shoulder, gently squeezing. “Soon you will be able to remember the good times more than the bad, that is all the comfort I can offer you.” 

It earned him a warm, dimpled smile from the dwarf though it lacked the cockiness and youthful optimism that he remembered from all those years ago when he and his brother had first barged into his smial. “Thank you, Bilbo. I wish… well, I wish uncle…”

The hobbit nodded with a pained expression in his eyes. “I know, lad. I know.” He carefully folded that particular grief away deep into the back of his mind and smiled once more. “What will you do now?” 

“My idiot brother and his elf are living near the River Lhun. I will go to visit them. My son is with me. You will meet him later, he is studying with the Lord Glorfindel. I want him to know our history from more than one perspective.” 

“Your son?” Bilbo’s smile broadened. They had exchanged letters, but he had not expected to meet the lad. He knew he had taken his parents quite by surprise since they had thought they would be unable to have children after more than fifteen years of marriage and Sigrid had almost thought herself past the age of being able to conceive. 

“Yes, Frerin is a true son of Durin though I am glad he has his mother’s smile and temper.” Fíli sighed, eyes lightening at the thought of his child. “He is as reckless as Kíli ever was, though Sigrid used to be much better with keeping that under control than I’ll ever be. I think I understand uncle a little more now. I almost feel bad for setting him loose on this place.”

Bilbo could not help but laugh merely. “I’m sure he can’t be worse than the lot of you during your stay here bathing in the fountain!” 

“Adad!” A loud cry sounded then and he chuckled. “Speak of the menace.” He stood and turned to find a tall blonde elf along with a shorter figure approaching them. 

Bilbo smiled at Fíli. “My, my. He looks just like his father.” He told him but instead of pointing out the similarity in colouring, nodded at the six blades the young dwarf carried in his belt even in a peaceful place such as this, three on either side of the large belt-buckle. 

Fíli chuckled. “How did he do, Master Glorfindel?” He addressed the elf who smiled and Bilbo noted still had eyes almost as youthful as the dwarf by his side, he would never stop marvelling at that. “He did well. We traded off two hours of studying for a knife throwing competition and I must say I’m looking forward to it.” 

“Adad, how many more times are you going to make me read about those ancestors of ours?” The young dwarf complained, interrupting the polite exchange. He had the same Durin blue eyes as his father and great-uncle and though still fairly young at forty years of age, already towered over his father by a good few inches. 

“Until it sticks.” Fíli reached up to ruffle the lad’s hair good-naturedly, the height difference making it a little comical. 

Frerin looked at his father disgruntled and blew at a strand of his golden hair which was left just as unruly as Bilbo remembered Kíli’s to have been, sporting no braids, just like his beard was left unadorned. “It’s sticking well enough, Da’! They all have the same names anyway. It’s not that difficult.”

“Frerin, I’d like you to meet our famous hobbit, Bilbo Baggins.” Fíli then turned to the hobbit who was still taking in this dwarf who looked so much like those two young fools who had barged through his door and into his life. 

-“Mr Boggins!” Frerin turned a toothy grin at him and Bilbo groaned. 

***


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is turning into fix-it fic from this chapter on. So if you don’t want to read that, turn back now and don’t complain later.  
> As a side note: I set myself the challenge to keep the FILM-canon intact as much as possible and not change any scenes of the film for this. This means Thorin who’s last breath we definitely see on screen, is still going to be dead and Bilbo has returned home in grief. I am sticking with film canon because that was what made me need to fix things. lol sorry not sorry.  
> Therefore, I had better hurry up and have this finished until the EE comes out because there is no way I can fix the funeral scene…. :’(  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (once again) WARNING FOR DESCRIPTION OF SURGERIES!

“Here be the dwarf-camp lass. Your people are over there.” The guard addressed the young girl gently, deep-set eyes under the helmet taking in her bedraggled appearance. He had not seen much of the men who had taken to hiding in the relative safety of the ruins of Dale. With the battle over, he expected their leader but not this slip of a girl in rags. 

“I know.” She replied, jaw set stubbornly though she could barely meet his gaze in nervousness. “I have come from my father Bard the Bowman to offer herbs and bandages to the wounded.” 

The dwarf squinted at her then, he had heard the big folk aged differently, but she was much too mature for that young face of hers. 

“Well, I had better go with you then.” He said out loud, looking around for someone to take over his post.

“That won’t be needed. I’ll take care of the lass.” A voice spoke and he turned to find one of the Company of Oakenshield approaching. He remembered him being the one with the weird hat. “As you will, my lord.” He watched still a little confused as the other tightly hugged the manchild before leading her away. 

“Still can’t believe they call me that. Quite, quite ridiculous really.” Bofur muttered so only Sigrid could hear. He should not have been surprised to find her here after all but he dreaded what he would have to tell her. 

“I’m sorry Bofur… I… heard rumours…” She stopped him right when he was trying to find something unimportant to ramble about. He stood still for a moment, then turned to her shuffling awkwardly. 

“Lass…” He shook himself. “Follow me. They’re… in a bad way. We'd best hurry.” He told her not really brave enough to meet her eyes. 

He guided her through the tents to one at the outskirts of the camp, closer to Ravenhill. Knowing this would be hard for her, he rested a hand on her slim arm as they entered. 

To her credit she only sucked in a breath at the sight before surging forward. 

Two field cots had been laid out, one for each of the Princes of Erebor. The younger of the two was not alone. The red-headed elf lay over him, cradling his cheek and hand as she cried, quietly singing to his unmoving form. 

Sigrid gave the heartbreaking sight barely a glance, eyes fixed on the waxen faced blonde brother, lying entirely too still on his side, eyes half open but misted over, a bloodied rag all that had been used to cover a gaping wound in his back. The air was thick with death the smell of blood and filth tangible. She gasped, convinced she was looking at a corpse. 

“We thought him dead already when we found him, Dwalin had seen…” Bofur broke off, squeezing his eyes shut at the thought. “but…we moved him and…well… the dead don’t bleed afresh…so we-we hoped to at least make them a little comfortable before the end.” 

He could not help the sob that rose up his throat when the girl unsheathed a knife that he recognized well, Fili must have gifted it to her to defend herself when the dragon had come, and moved it to the dying dwarf’s lips, catching the wisp of breath on the shiny blade. Her shoulders sagged the tiniest bit. 

“Why are they not being tended to?” She half-whispered, her hand reaching up to brush back the thick but sweaty mane from Fili’s white face. 

“The healers say there is nothing left to do…” Bofur sighed, looking over to the grieving elf who was yet to ever let go of Kili’s battered form.  
-“Where is the wizard?” Sigrid blurted, bringing his attention back to her. She stared at the blonde heir of Thorin, fingertips drifting over his bearded cheek as if trying to memorize him. Perhaps that was exactly what she was doing. 

“He was off to find Bilbo and I haven’t seen him since.” The miner told her rather helplessly. 

“That useless wizard would be of no help.” An elegant voice spoke up from the entrance of the tent and only then did Tauriel also look up in shock. 

“My lord.” She whispered. 

Thranduil inclined his head to her a little. “I have come to make amends, if I am not too late.” 

Before their unbelieving eyes he made his way over to his former Captain, only to stop in his tracks. “How much longer?” He then asked, and neither Bofur nor Sigrid had any idea what he spoke of. 

“A little while.” Tauriel gave the Elvenking a sad smile. “The bond is much stronger than expected.” 

Thranduil gave her a penetrating look, then nodded. “Very well, I shall look to the other one first.” He turned and made his way to Fili’s side, Sigrid watching him like a hawk and refusing to back away, her hand tightly grasping the dwarf’s cold, limp right hand. 

The elf ignored her and took a moment to examine the dwarf’s still disturbingly half-opened motionless eyes before he removed the cloth that was sopping with blood to take a look at the grisly wound. He gave no indication of any thoughts though Bofur watched him closely as he prodded the surrounding flesh gently. 

Fili showed no sign of waking or reacting to the pain and it worried him. He may as well be dead. Sigrid visibly tightened her hand around his and was obviously fighting tears. The injury was messy and terrible to look at. It was indeed a wonder he was still drawing breath. 

“Spider venom." Thranduil reached over to lay a hand on his forehead then, leaving the wound for now and closing his eyes, much like Bofur remembered Gandalf doing with Thorin all those weeks ago on the Carrock. 

Only unlike then, Fili did not wake, instead his eyes slid shut and he took a noticeably deeper breath. Sigrid holding his hand thought she felt some warmth return to it and that his features softened a little as if relaxing into peaceful sleep after a nightmare. 

The Elvenking then called in his melodic language and immediately another appeared, clearly having accompanied him as guards. 

“Bring me a healer. Have him hurry. Tell him to bring clamps and thread and his potions.” He then turned to Bofur who had a hard time not gulping under the still cold blue gaze. “I need hot water, boiling would be best and you would do well to bring some actual bandages not rags that simply soak up the blood.” 

Before he knew it, Bofur was racing to do as he had been told. A glimmer of hope had settled in his stomach and he would not fail them; not again. 

###### 

"Ori! " The scribe shot around at the voice, he had hidden behind some boxes, scratching away with his piece of coal, his fingers shaking too much to really create good sketches but his mind burning with the need to write all the horrors of today down. 

Bofur slid to a stop in front of him, gasping for breath from his sprinting through the camp. "Lad! I need you to come with me. You need to watch the lads for me while I get some water and bandages from the healers." 

The young dwarf tried to figure out a response, perhaps a question, his mouth opening and closing but Bofur did not give him time. "What're you waiting for, lad? Off you go!" He yelled, already on his way to run his errand, holding on to his hat. 

Ori entered the tent with some trepidation and was shocked to find the Elvenking and another, darker haired elf standing over Fili's cot. They barely spared him a glance so that he had the time to take in the girl kneeling by the injured dwarf's side. 

He vaguely recognized her as the Bargeman's daughter who had provided them with food and dry clothing. He wondered what had happened after they left to have her sit silent vigil by Thorin's heir's side, taking even the liberty, he realized with some shock of stroking the Prince's hair. 

His eyes widened when her fingers trailed lower, seemingly oblivious to the elves exchanging quiet words in their own language, touching the braids in the blond's mustache which miraculously were still in place. Only lovers would dare a gesture so intimate. 

He felt himself go red at the assumption. Once all was said and done, if people heard about this, that scandal would be, well, huge. Nevertheless, he felt his heart go out to the poor thing. 

"He needs to be held down for this." A voice broke through his thoughts. It took him a moment to realise that he had been the one addressed. He turned startled eyes at the two elves who were both looking down at him. 

"Excuse me?" He managed in a stammer. He saw that while he had been staring at the girl, they had cut Fili's soiled tunic away to have more room to work and cleaned most of the blood away, though it was still running in thin rivers from the gaping stab wound. 

"What will you do to him?" he could not help but ask. By this time Bofur burst through the tent, a large pot of steaming water in his hands and a bag of other things around his shoulder. "Here ye are. I"ll be off to inform the others." And off he went again, leaving Ori entirely alone with a situation he was not at all comfortable with. 

"He is bleeding on the inside. I must find the damage and fix it." The dark haired elf explained, while the Elvenking simply stared at him impatiently. "The poison will actually act in favour for this, since any uncontrolled movement may be lethal. This is why we need to be quick." 

Ori found himself nodding and moved to stand by the end of the cot, waiting for more instructions. He did not receive any and so leaned over Fili's legs to hold him in the position that the elf had placed him in and just in time too because suddenly there were thin metal instruments in the elf's hands and then dug into the wound. When the fingers holding the instruments also disappeared into Fili's lower back, the sounds alone were enough to make Ori sure he would be sick. He had to turn away and so did not see when another incision was made on Fili's front. 

The worst part was that though Fili did not move at all, he made a noise that was just barely audible and the weak moan froze both Ori and the girl. He chanced a glance at her. Though pale as a ghost herself, she spared not a single look at the elf doing such delicate work but instead crouched so that she was close to Fili's face, whispering to him, cupping his cheek and once again stroking his cheek in a way that Ori should have found highly improper if not for the situation. 

"Can he feel this?" He croaked, when the injured dwarf gave another whimper and he could see the girl hold back tears at the sound. 

"He is in a place between sleep and death." The Elvenking spoke up and Ori tried to keep himself from shrinking under his cold gaze. "There is not enough sensation left in him to be able to identify it as pain. He will however be aware of death creeping closer, which is why, Master Dwarf, we have to be quick." 

Ori nodded, barely able to look at the elf and instead focused on his task, barely able to keep his revolting stomach in check after that. It felt to him like forever until the elf reached for a needle and some sort of thin wire or light thread to stitch the large wound together much like Dori might with a tear in his tunic before repeating the procedure with the smaller cut that had been made just under the dwarf's ribcage. He gulped but also found himself unable to look away anymore. 

The elf-healer then very calmly washed their hands before reaching for a little pot and covered their work in a dark green poultice before placing a thick cloth on top of it. "Make sure he does not move. The thread I have used is elf-hair, so there will be less chance of an infection, but they may still rip and then there will be no help left for him." The healer then explained to the girl who was looking up at both elves with immeasurable gratitude. 

As one, it seemed, the elves then moved over to the other bed holding Kili with Tauriel looking up at them though she was still singing under her breath. Was she chanting? He had heard that elves could weave their magic through songs. 

When Ori followed with one last look at Fili, being watched over by the girl, he noticed how alarmingly blue Kili's lips were turning, how shallow his breathing. He bustled to his side quickly, not liking the worry in the red-haired elf’s eyes. 

######## 

He did not want to relive the hours that had followed. The process had made him wonder how he had thought the treatment of Fili's wound alone had made him almost throw up. They once again asked him to hold their patient down, though with Kili, he did have to struggle against bunching muscles in response to the sudden pain as his injury was prodded and poked by two elves, while the other held his head in her hands, softly singing still. 

It was just as well since he still dared not think about what had been done in too much detail. The elf had taken a long thin blade and trailed her hands, at this point Ori was sure it was a female, along Kili's ribs with obvious intent, he could not help the noise of protest. 

"He will suffocate if I do not do this." The healer tersely told him and though Ori found it a little hard to believe that stabbing him would help the younger dwarf breathe better, he just closed his eyes and held him down. 

He did gag when she inserted what looked like a glass-tube into the new wound and proceeded to secure it with all types of bandages to keep it in place. 

Ori, as soon as he knew he could safely do so, excused himself and darted outside to the back of the tent to be rather violently sick. Along with a trickle of a soft pink fluid, he had managed to hear the whistle of air out through the tube. However, he had found it reassuring that Kili seemed to breathe a little easier, his lips though still almost white had lost their blue colouring. 

Exhausted he stepped away from his own vomit and let himself plop down against the tent wall. This was certainly something to be embellished for his chronicles. People did not need to know the details of the Prince's treatment, nor that the author of this great story had emptied his stomach after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After seeing the Battle of Five Armies I had to make myself feel a little better and so watched the entire Lord of the Rings Trilogy and even though I (as I’ve probably said before) don’t usually write fix-its, this has been glaring me in the face and begged to be written. Shelob’s poison had Frodo look like he was dead, right?????  
> So there you go. Fili was not dead, just paralysed…. and Kili well, I will get to him. JUST TRUST ME ON THAT, THEY’RE FINE; THEY’RE ACTUALLY OK! WELCOME TO MY LOVELY DENIALVILLE!!!….I’m not hysterical… at all…  
> Also find this fix on ff.net too. same title and pen name.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili wakes and some bits of the past.

It was a strange tableau to be sure. Two unconscious young dwarves on their cots with only thin blankets and each with a silent watcher by their side. Thranduil had dismissed the healer and took in the sight, feeling like this part was done and he would look to his troops next. 

He had not counted on Bard storming into the tent. "Sigrid! I've been sick with worry. What are you..." He trailed off, having caught sight of the Elvenking. 

"The Dragonslayer, I assume this child is your daughter." Thranduil addressed the man. 

"Y-yes." Bard narrowed his eyes at him. 

The Elvenking looked between the two, face stoic as ever. "I would speak with you Bowman. Much needs to be discussed." 

Bard nodded, eyes still on his daughter. "Da, where are Tilda and Bain?" 

"Bain is running an errand for me and Tilda is just outside. That dwarf with the hat and the one who doesn't speak are with her." He rolled his eyes at the thought of how his youngest was so obviously taken by them. 

Casting a look at his oldest though made him realize she may not be the only one. Not by the way she was clutching that blond one's limp hand. 

The Elvenking followed his gaze, his face taken on the look of someone who had caught a whiff of something unpleasant, though he did not speak up as of yet. 

"I'll watch her, Da. We can stay here." Sigrid found herself saying, trying to hide her blush. 

Bard raised his eyebrow, but said nothing, clearly not wanting to have this discussion in front of all those present. 

"Why do you care so much about these dwarves, child?" The Elvenking questioned, displaying no tact at all and clearly aware of it, glancing at Bard before entirely focusing his cold gaze on Sigrid. 

Behind him, Tauriel sent him a glare, though her attention soon returned to Kili who was squirming a little under her hands though he was too deeply unconscious to be aware. Her hand returned to his sweaty forehead, chanting too low under her breath to be heard by any but other elves. 

Sigrid felt herself flush again though this time it was not anger. "He protected my family when he was weaponless himself." She spoke up, trying her best to not seek her fathers eyes and instead meet the elf's. 

"And that inspires such loyalty as this in daughters of Men?" 

She narrowed her eyes at him, sure that she was being made fun of. "Your majesty understands life debts, surely?" She spoke, trying to keep her voice steady and attempting to sound just as patronizing as he did. 

There was an odd twitch of the elf's lip. "I do." 

Sigrid swallowed then, realizing that she had been talking to a king. "Thank you." She then spoke but he ignored her turning to Tauriel. 

"Legolas has gone to join the Dunedain." Then he swept out of the tent, his guards following. Tauriel sighed at the comment before turning her attention back to Kili, her eyes as pained as ever if not more so. 

Bard gave his daughter a long look and appeared to want to say something but then instead followed the elves, the frown on his face only deepened. 

"It is a sad world in which help that should, no needs to be given has to be rewarded with thanks and is not common place." Tauriel quietly spoke from her perch by Kili's side once they had been left alone. 

"What connection did your king speak of?" Sigrid asked, because the silence that was surrounding them made her uncomfortable and made everything seem even more overwhelming. 

The elf looked up to meet her eyes and gave a weak smile. "He was gone." She quietly said. "I thought he was gone and I could not take it. I could not bear the thought of such a warm and lively one such as he…" She broke off and squeezed Kili's limp hand in hers. "I prayed to keep him in this world and the Valar heard my pleas. His life is tethered to mine own. It kept him breathing and his heart beating and will continue to do so until he is well enough to do without it." 

"You're giving him from your own life?" Sigrid frowned. 

"Yes. My people are blessed with an undying light and injuries that impede breathing are tricky. Sometimes the body simply gives out under the strain." Tauriel's attention had focused entirely on Kili's pale features by that point. "As long as I can keep the bond intact, he will not leave this world." 

Sigrid did not know how to respond and even if she did, there were pounding footsteps and loud voices outside that drew their attention. 

Four dwarves entered, three of which utterly froze at the sight before them. Ori who still looked a little green could not help but smile as he stepped forward. "What did I tell you?" 

"It is true then." The eldest, Balin spoke up in a voice that sounded more worried than relieved. 

"Will they live?" He asked Tauriel who straightened a little when addressed. "We should wait till dawn for more certainty, but their chances are certainly better than your healers left them with." 

"Dain's healers you mean." The tallest, fiercest looking dwarf muttered though his brother quickly shot him a sharp look. 

"I was sorry to hear your king passed on the battlefield." The elf graciously ignored the comment. 

The dwarves looked grieved at that reminder, then moved a little closer to their princes. 

"We shall keep quiet about this until the morrow then." Balin announced and apparently satisfied left along with his brother, Ori trailing behind. Bofur shot Sigrid a smile. "See, lass. All will be well." He said. 

###°###

The company took turns staying in the tent with their two Princes. Only for the time of Thorin's funeral did they have to leave and Dwalin did so reluctantly even though it was his childhood friend who was to be given over to the Mountain. 

He knew that Thorin would not begrudge him his hesitation since he had seen these troublesome lads grow up. Much like their uncle, he had been there when they had taken their first tottering steps, at their first attempts at sword and axe fighting and picked them up to bring them home when they had gotten into trouble. 

He was also dubious about the tall elf at Kili's side, always holding his hand or resting her own on his forehead. Neither of the Princes had woken yet and it did not sit well with the old warrior to rely solely on elvish medicine however much Oin reassured them that they had done what he would have found impossible. There was also the other constant presence in the tent that was weighing heavily on Dwalin's mind. 

The daughter of the man who had brought down the dragon was sitting at the older Prince's side and had yet to move. Her sister had come to sit by her side or would animatedly ask questions of the Company while the brother only ducked in to check on them. Bofur and Bifur both seemed happy enough to have the child around, having a love of children of all races. 

Dwalin himself did not approve and worried about the familiarity the older daughter of Man displayed towards the unconscious heir of Durin. If Fili had foolishly dallied with the girl, not only would it be a political mess, but there were also those in Dain's entourage who would use it to discredit the potential next king under the mountain. 

Finally he tore himself away, knowing that it was his duty to accompany his shield-brother on his last journey. 

###°###

Sigrid was not going to admit it, but she was exhausted and her whole body was aching. She had just woken up once again from falling asleep curled up next to Fili's cot. 

It had been only a few hours since the elven healer had assured her that the dwarf would not die in front of her eyes, that if he had lasted this long, things were looking less dire, but that had not been enough to persuade her to leave his side. The poison should be wearing off by now, the antidote doing it's work. It was only a matter of time. 

She startled when the object of her thoughts stirred as if on cue, groaning softly. 

She looked up to find Tauriel's eyes also intently focused on the blond Prince from where she sat, her hand buried in Kili's sweaty hair as if to anchor him to her. 

Sigrid silently cursed the shaking of her hand as she reached for Fili's bearded cheek, hoping it might bring him to awareness somehow. 

When he leaned into the touch, eyes only sliding open halfway to look at her blearily, she whispered his name. 

First there was no recognition, glazed eyes searching her face before there was a weak twitch of a smile, though only a shadow of his usual cheeky, dimpled grin. 

"S-Sigrid." He croaked, barely audible. 

For a moment, she was almost ready to collapse over him and cry but tried to collect herself to get him a cup of water. 

Before she could get her body to move and turn away from hazy blue eyes returning her gaze, Tauriel appeared by her side, reaching to help the dwarf lift his head a little and drink from a water skin. 

When the elf took it away and retreated again, he looked more aware, eyes a little clearer though still heavy with the need for more healing sleep. 

"Kee?...Kili?" He started to shift more restlessly. "U-uncle?" 

Sigrid quickly reached to hold him still. "Shh... Don't move to much. You'll tear your stitches." She tried for a calm voice, but she was deeply afraid he would tear the damage to his insides again, bleeding to death without them knowing until it was too late. He had precious little blood left as it was Oin had told her. He would have died within minutes had the elf not acted as she had. 

Fili mercifully stopped moving, though she was not sure if it was not simply that he had already worn himself out. "Where...Kee?" He managed breathlessly, fear taking over the glassy eyes and Sigrid feared he would try to move again. 

Again Tauriel came to her rescue. "He is right here, Master Dwarf." She told him and moved aside, giving Sigrid a gentle nudge so that his line of vision was cleared and he could watch the elf returned to his little brother's side. 

He sucked in a painful breath at the sight of the inert form of him. "I-is he..." 

-"We are keeping him asleep a little while longer so his lungs have time to heal." the elf smiled at him in reassurance. "You are both on the path to recovery." 

Sigrid noted that though he seemed relieved, he was still agitated. She hesitated, only having dared to do so while he was unconscious but then moved her hand to brush over his matted hair in a way she had always used to soothe her younger siblings. 

When his tired eyes found hers again, she could not help the tears anymore. "It's alright. You can rest now. You're both safe." 

He did not need to know about his uncle's fate whose funeral was being held at this very moment. There would be time for that when he was better, when he was stronger. 

Fili finally appeared to relax at that, though his hand crept down towards the stitches at his front. Sigrid quickly caught it in hers. "Don't touch it." She soothed, though still a little teary, a happenstance she cursed inwardly. 

He seemed to register her distress for the first time then, frowning and squeezing her hand with the little strength he had. 

It was clear he worried for her and she did not want him to. Yet, it was ingrained in both their nature, so she forced a smile for him and carried on stroking his hair softly. "Sleep. We're here to watch over Kili and you. You don't need to worry. You're both safe." She repeated, knowing he would try to stay awake to watch over his brother. 

After scrutinizing her a little longer, he nodded the tiniest bit and allowed his eyes to close. On a whim, Sigrid leaned over to kiss his forehead. "Sleep." She urged again, "I'm here." 

She sat back, with his rough hand still in hers, feeling a little reassured, though there was a dull pain deep in her gut at the way things had turned out. She felt like decades had passed since he and his company had invaded their small house. 

So she sat and watched him sleep. 

###°###

_"Here." A soft voice behind him had Fili jump._

_They had just discussed how short their time was running and he had for the first time in what he thought to have been weeks, found time for himself to think. He had rather not, because he found himself standing by the warming fire (he also felt like he had not been warm in an age) chewing on his pipe with any pipe-weed the elves had not taken from his far too wet to even attempt lighting up with._

_He looked up to find the Bargeman's eldest daughter giving him a warm smile as she held out a small pouch._

_"You've been playing with your pipe for so long, I thought you might actually like to use it. Da won't mind if you take a pinch."_

_"Thank you." He smiled in return, surprised at the fact that she might notice such a thing when they had clearly overwhelmed the poor family with their arrival._

_"It's no trouble. Just don't let the others know or you'll leave none, this will be our secret. Da doesn't smoke much anymore anyway so…" She suddenly blushed. "I'm sure you don't care for me blabbing on. You look like you have enough on your mind as it is."_

_She made to turn but he reached for her arm. "No. I mean, I don't mind. And I wish to thank you for aiding us and feeding us. I'm sure it was a bit of a shock." He told her, hyperaware of her birdlike bones under his thick fingers and how he had to look up to smile at her a little._

__She laughed. "Only a little. Though I have to say, it is the most excitement we've seen here apart from the Master's raids."_ _

_Fili frowned. For one that was a troubling thought and secondly he felt appalled at how he noted people were treated in the world of men._

_"Oh, don't worry. They haven't been back in months. They have embarrassed themselves everytime, looking for weapons and such nonsense." She was quick to tell him._

_"Is that a normal thing in towns like this?" He asked, packing the pipe and handing her back the pouch._

_She took it with a nod. "I wouldn't know. I grew up like this, see. And I have never left this place. I shall leave you to enjoy your pipe, Master Dwarf."_

_-"Fili." He told her quickly and putting his flint down quickly, holding it along with the pipe in one hand, sketched a quick bow. "At your service."_

_She blushed again and laughed. He decided the combination suited her. "Sigrid. At yours and your family's." She curtsied before she bustled over to the hearth where a soup was merrily bubbling which she had seemingly created in no longer than a heartbeat to feed the company._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the lack of update last week guys! Hope to keep it as regular as possible but hiccups are just in the nature of the game ;) Hope you enjoy this and at the end as a special treat there is a little flashback to give the relationship between Fili and Sigrid a little context.
> 
> As a sidenote: I know that it is Fíli and Kíli and that I have been inconsistent about the spelling. I will just keep it Fili and Kili, which is the spelling used in my copy of the Hobbit to keep things easier from now on.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dwalin has a troubling conversation with Dain and we find out more about how Fili and Sigrid grew so close.

Dwalin turned to leave the deep caverns where they had laid Thorin to rest as soon as he had composed himself enough to face the lads and their still dire condition. He owed it to his sword-brother to watch over his sister-sons, make sure they were alright. 

"Cousin." A voice stopped him in his tracks. He squared his shoulders as he waited for Dain to catch up with him. 

"Cousin, I hear the lads are recovering?" The red-haired dwarf-lord spoke in a voice that belied something else on his mind. 

"No thanks to yer healers." Dwalin glared at the other, crossing his arms in front of him because Lord of the Iron Hills or not, he remembered how Dain had once struggled with his first battle axe. 

He felt a little guilty when genuine hurt flashed through Dain's eyes. He had never been one for the subtle art of political talk and such that Thorin took pride in and had made sure Fili would learn too. Dain was first and foremost a warrior and Dwalin had always found it easier to talk as equals with him. "Ye know as well as I do that those blasted elves have skills that our healers can only dream of. Mahal's hammer strike them for being so secretive about it, more lives might have been saved otherwise." Dain then told him. 

Dwalin nodded, sighing. "Forgive me cousin. Things have happened that should never have come to pass. Old warriors like me find it hard when there is none to blame." 

Dain nodded with a sigh, clapping the taller of the two on the shoulder. "I know. I find myself wondering if this Mountain is truly worth the price we paid." It was odd to see the otherwise merry Lord of the Iron Hills so subdued. 

"Thorin was convinced of it." Dwalin muttered. 

"So he was." Dain nodded. "And yet, I've heard whispers. They say he was not himself before the battle?" 

Dwalin found that the tears he had refused to shed were burning in his eyes once more. "He wasn't. Mind the gold Dain. The dragon has cursed it." In his mind's eye he saw Thorin again, staggering under the madness. He had hurt to see him once again wearing that crown, when he had been laid to rest the Arkenstone on his chest. Perhaps it was just as well that he should guard both those burdens in death. 

"You're talking of the gold sickness. Come now, Dwalin, surely you don't believe in that nonsense." Dain squinted at him and chuckled. 

"I have seen it Cousin Dain. I saw what it did. But with the Arkenstone buried, perhaps you are right and the danger is gone." Dwalin steadily held the others gaze, hoping he would heed his warning. 

Dain snorted then. "Laddie, even if it did exist, it will not make a fool of this dwarf. I will not be taken by such a thing that no axe nor sword can fight. In fact, I am to the treasury in a moment, I want to be rid of that poncey King and his friends and Balin and the others agreed to bring him his silly stones so that it might be the end of that. I will take care of it personally. Poor Fili will have enough to worry about once he has woken." 

Dwalin looked at him and could not conceal his worry. But before he could speak, Dain chuckled again. "You will see, cousin. Fairytales do not scare me and I will prove to you that you should not fear them either." 

He slapped Dwalin's shoulder again. "A veteran of Azanulbizar should not worry about old ghosts!" And then he was off, leaving Dwalin with a sinking feeling in his gut. 

When he stepped into the tent, his heart dropped to find Oin and an elf-healer standing over Fili's cot. In fact, he felt his blood surge like it would just before a battle. "What is wrong with the lad?" He barked, making the girl who had chosen that moment to walk in behind him with a steaming bowl of water jump. 

"He woke." She said when Oin either ignored him or truly had not heard and the elf shot him a glare before going back to his examination. "But he has become feverish." She had swollen red eyes, clearly having cried and it made Dwalin's heart drop. 

His eyes went to Kili and the elf by his side shot him a smile that he would have found irritating if he had not been so worried. "Kili is stable. Though a long way from waking." She addressed him calmly. "And Fili will be well soon too. I have seen the spider's poison and the things it does to the body when purged. He will get through this." 

"The main-worry is the lad's moving." Oin chimed in, making Dwalin once again wonder about the true extent of his deafness. "There is no draught we can give him for pain or rest if we are to cleanse his body but he has started to move about a fair deal." 

He went back to discuss possible approaches with the elf, when Dwalin stepped closer to actually be able to get a glimpse of Fili. 

At the sight he sighed, feeling incredibly old suddenly. He had seen this before. The fever, the sweat, the cramped limbs and the shallow panting of breath were the poison perhaps, but the distress the lad was in and how agitated he appeared even if unconscious, was rather familiar. 

He stepped to his side and laid a gentle, tattooed hand on the lad's quaking shoulder drawing back when he flinched at the touch, crying out weakly. "There is nothing your draughts or remedies can do for this." He then stated and looked up to meet Oin's knowing eyes. "And if I were to hold him down, things would be worse." 

The healer reluctantly nodded in agreement and seeming to understand, convinced the elf to turn and check on Kili. 

"What is wrong with him, master dwarf?" The girl's voice spoke up then when they had left, satisfied that they had done what they could. 

Dwalin sat on the edge of Fili's cot, looking at the way he grimaced and muttered in his dreams, how his hands clenched in the coverings. "Battle does this." He said before turning to her. "Go see to your family, lass. I'll see him through this." 

He waited, heard her hesitate before leaving and then turned back to Fili. His mind flashed back to the moment he had last seen him, when Thorin had sent them off to the caverns. They should have known then that they were sending them to their deaths. 

The old warrior glanced at the elf, to find that she was chanting lowly, eyes closed, hand on Kili's forehead once again. 

Then he let the sob escape his throat that he had been holding in for so long. He could not help but see in his mind's eye how the cursed white orc had dragged the elder of the brothers out by the scruff of his neck, lifting him up like a trophy. 

He remembered how the lad had been unable to fight, had only weakly kicked and floundered. Dwalin had known then. His soul had refused to acknowledge the reality of what was about to happen, but he had known. 

It would be to his everlasting shame that he had turned away. All the had seen, all he had done on the battlefield but he could not watch helplessly as the boy he had taken under his wing as soon as he was old enough to lift a sword and long before that, when Thorin had proudly presented his first-born nephew; as he was about to be… He simply could not bare it. 

Never would he fail either of the lads again, he vowed silently then. He had brought enough shame upon himself, having sworn to protect the line of Durin with shield and body. Instead, Fili had almost been killed while he watched on. 

He could not know what they had done to Fili inside those tunnels, but he could give a good guess. He would not have gone down without a fight. The cuts and bruises that were starting to yellow were testament to that. 

There would not have been time for elaborate torture, but Dwalin knew enough about orcs to know that they would always find time to play with those who fell into their clutches. 

There was one thing that he knew often helped those who fought nightmares after battles. He did not have Thorin's voice, but it was all he had to offer. 

In a low voice under his breath, he began to hum an old tune he remembered his own mother used to sing for him as a child. He thought he remembered Dis singing it to her young sons too. First he was not sure if Fili would even hear, but when he once more tried to place a hand on his shoulder, softly, he did not flinch. 

He continued to hum, not confident enough with the old lyrics to sing them, but the melody he remembered well enough. They had said not to move him, but the old warrior thought he needed to know he was not alone and so risked carefully lifting him so he could sit behind him, cradling him, in arms made for battle, like the child he had once known. 

He rubbed small circles across his charge's upper back, careful of the injury when he made a sound too low to be a whimper, but not quite a groan. Fili clutched at fistfuls of his tunic when he made to move away, apparently aware he was not alone if still caught in his nightmares. So he stayed. 

"You'll be alright, my lad." Dwalin told him, wiping at his eyes with his free fist roughly, because Mahal forbid someone might walk in on his lapse in strength. "You'll both be alright." He would make sure of it, as long as there was breath left in his body. 

Sigrid did not know where to go. Without the immediate responsibility of looking after Fili she felt quite lost. She had gotten herself a bowl of thin stew and spoken to some of the other survivors for a while. Their immediate concerns were about shelter and food and few even dared mention the winter months ahead of them. 

Her father had been so busy, trying to gather supplies and get Dale defensible until the winter truly hit, but it was him she needed right then. She had tried her best to reassure them, but she felt inadequate in assuaging their fears. 

She made for the elf-camp nearby as the sun was descending, knowing that he was often there negotiating with the Elvenking for aid. Though the elf had been more open to the talks, he was still cold and hard to convince. Her father seemed to think he would be able to reason with him though. 

"Da!" She called when she instead found him in a heated discussion with the red-bearded dwarf-leader she had caught glimpses of. 

He cast her a distracted smile, but extended his arm for her to step into. 

"If you send the elves away, you are sentencing my people to starvation." He then turned back to the dwarf. 

"They have what they came for, I want them from Erebor's doorstep. It's not my concern if you lot don't know how to take care of yerself." The dwarf groused. 

"I thought you were Lord of another mountain? When did you take charge here?" Bard quite angrily demanded and Sigrid gulped, understanding that this argument had been going on for a while. 

The dwarf blustered, then turned away. "This will not be forgotten, Master Bowman." He barked over his shoulder. 

"I will have to find the white-haired one and speak to him. Balin, I think?" Bard sighed and turned to look at his daughter. "I don't know why this one thinks himself the head-negotiator suddenly." 

Sigrid shrugged, just as ignorant to the dwarven hierarchy as he was. She curled closer under his arm, hugging into her father's chest like she had been wont to do as a child. 

"What is the matter? Are the…" He did not finish when she just shook her head. "No, they're still recovering as well as is to be expected. I just… I miss home." It was not quite what she felt, but she could not put into words how she was struggling to catch up with the turn their lives had taken. 

Bard, thankfully seemed to understand and squeezed her a little, resting his chin on her head. "We all do. If things go well, we will have a new home soon though. Even if we have a few lean months ahead of us." 

She returned to the tent when her father was called away once again and found Balin talking with the warrior who was sitting on the edge of Fili's cot, large hands gently rearranging his blankets and then resting a hand on his head protectively. 

For a moment Sigrid hesitated, feeling like an intruder. The warrior must have heard her though, because he looked up and got to his feet, crossing his arms in front of his chest. Balin turned to face her as well. 

"Master Dwarf, my father has been looking to speak to you." She addressed him after giving them both a nod. It was not like there was time to curtsey everyone when things needed to be done. 

"Is everything alright, lassie?" The white-haired dwarf frowned at her. 

"Yes,… well, no. He has been speaking to… forgive me, the… one who rode in on the boar?" She felt herself blush in embarrassment because she should have asked her father about that. 

"Dain? He was to give Thranduil those stones he was owed. We agreed I would speak to Bard." 

"He… well, apparently he wants to be rid of the elves and they are the only ones who can help us with supplies for the winter?" It came out as a question because she did not want to get involved more than she had to. 

Balin did not speak but his eyes narrowed. "I see." He eventually noted and turned to Dwalin exchanging looks. 

"He went into the treasury after…." The warrior told him, trailing off in the end and casting a glance at Fili who Sigrid saw with some relief appeared to be sleeping peacefully and no longer had the flush of fever high on his cheeks. 

"I will speak to your father, lass. And my brother here shall track down Dain to see what this is about." He put a gloved hand on her arm, patting it. "We have no intention of leaving your people to fend for yourselves." 

With that she was left alone again, though Dwalin seemed reluctant to leave Fili's side and gave her a sharp look. "Take care of him." He cast a glance over at Tauriel, who was yet to leave Kili's side. "I'll be back." Then he ducked out too. 

Sigrid moved back to her spot, feeling more unsure of herself than ever. What would become of them all? She hesitated but then took a hold of Fili's hand once more. All they could do was keep hope and keep doing everything they could to survive. 

### 

_She found him sitting on a stool in the corner by himself, hunched over, his head in his hands. The light outside had started to dim and his brother was only getting worse. The fever would not let up and the pain must be excruciating._

_"I made you some tea." She addressed him gently but it still startled him._

_He stared at her for a moment and then quickly rubbed his hands over his face as if to rid himself of fatigue. It was too late, she had seen the remnants of tears. "Thank you." He nonetheless tried to smile at her as he took the cup gratefully._

_He took a sip and looked at her startled. "This is strong morning brew."_

_She smiled and nodded, leaning against the wall. "It will help keep you awake." At his strange look she felt the need to elaborate. "When Bain or Tilda catch a cold, this is what keeps me going as I take care of them."_

_He nodded and took another drink watching her over the rim of the cup. "You'll be a good mother one day." He then said before dropping his eyes to the floor suddenly looking shy._

_Sigrid laughed to hide her blush but quickly grew serious. "I don't know about that, I only did what I had to."_

_"We all do." Fili glanced up at her, finished the tea and stared at the empty cup with eyes she recognized; eyes that were much older than they should be. She saw them every day in the looking glass._

_"When my brother was born," He then spoke without looking at her, "none expected him to live. He was so small, barely breathing and I was too young to understand."_

_Sigrid said nothing, knowing from experience when a person simply needed to be listened to. She had always been good at that, at letting people talk away their troubles._

_"I insisted I wanted to hold him and started bawling when they would not let me. Eventually, my ma though exhausted, made Oin pass him to me. I think she thought I should at least get a moment with my little brother if he was not long for the world. I'm still surprised they did, I could have dropped him but maybe they really thought it did not matter anymore." He put the cup down next to his feet, casting a glance over to the door through which his brother was being treated by Oin._

_"Uncle was behind me, helping me hold him the right way though, I think. He was tiny and all quiet, barely moved. But when I spoke to him, he opened his eyes and looked at me." He was still addressing the floor though his eyes flickered to her afterwards._

_"I told him I would protect him and always be there for him because that was what big brothers did and that he would never be alone if I could help it and I remember how he smiled at me even as a newborn. I swear I remember that more than anything even if others may say I was too young to really remember and that newborns can barely see far enough to recognise who holds them."_

_Sigrid smiled gently and nodded. "My ma died when she birthed Tilda. I was there too."_

_He nodded at her to continue, fiddling with a small knife he had pulled out of nowhere between his hands, performing absentminded tricks with it._

_"Well, I remember when the midwife passed her to me and sent me out of the room, Da was already kneeling by the bed clutching Ma's hand and I didn't understand… didn't want to understand what was happening because when Bain had been born I only remembered the happiness." She paused, watching his quick fingers for a moment as the knife disappeared before slipping again out of its hiding place._

_"So there I sat, with this little life in my arms and I just knew that I would do everything for my siblings." She finished in nearly a whisper._

_Fili stilled his nervous play with the knife and shoved it into a concealed sheath in his borrowed clothes. "I would die for my brother." He said and then cast a long desperate look at the door once again. "I should have protected him. I should have gone after him."_

_Sigrid moved to kneel in front of him then, startling both herself and the dwarf. "We do the best we can, Fili. That is all we can do." She told him, grasping his big hands in hers and blushing when she realized that she had addressed him by his name for the first time._

_He looked at her in surprise but did not shake off her hands, instead squeezed them. He swallowed heavily. "Thank you." He breathed and she found herself smiling at him with more warmth than she had ever felt for anyone who was not part of her family. She understood his plight only all too well._

_"I didn't do anything."_

_He returned the smile and it reached deep into the pit of her stomach. She had not expected such a smile from one so quiet and filled with worries such as he was. "You listened. I'm not used to speaking to someone like this." He told her._

_She had to clear her throat, embarrassment suddenly reeling its head when she realized that they barely knew each other enough for such intimate talks. "I am happy to listen whenever you need it." She told him nonetheless and made to get up with a last squeeze of his fingers._

_He did not let go though and pulled her back down so they remained at eye-level a little longer. "If ever I can return the favour, I will." He told her earnestly, blue eyes boring into hers._

_It left her speechless for a moment. None ever thought she might need an ear since she herself was usually the one who did the listening. It struck her that a stranger such as he was might see it more than her own family though he had far greater things to worry about._

_"I thank you…Fili" She tried out his name again as she rose and found him looking up at her with the hint of a cheeky smirk that she thought she had seen on his brother when they had first arrived in their house._

_"No, it is I who is in your debt, Sigrid." He told her._

_Hiding the blush about to bloom on her face again, she nodded curtly and turned to see if the others had need of her._

tbc...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili wakes again

It was just when she was finally about to doze off, cheek rested on her own hand holding Fili's, that he stirred. There was a twitch, a sudden intake of breath that had her guess that he had had another nightmare and then glassy blue eyes met hers, though for a moment they were unfocused. 

She said nothing, instead simply squeezed his hand, hoping the fever was not so high as to make him delirious. 

"You're still here..." He mumbled, voice nonexistent but eyes clearing a little as they flickered over her face. 

Sigrid forced a smile. "So are you." 

He returned the smile with a tired twitch of the lips. "S-Sigrid…" He somehow managed to lift his hand from hers, to brush shakily across her cheek. 

"You'll be alright. Just rest." She whispered, relishing the touch and cupping his hand with hers to keep it there. 

For a while they stayed like this and his eyes slipped shut again. Sigrid had hoped he might sleep some more but then they snapped open again. 

"S-Sigrid… my-my legs!" Fili croaked, panic in his eyes. He made to move, to try and turn over so that he could look, but was stopped by the pillows at his back, stabilizing him still. 

They should have expected it. It was truly a surprise that it had not happened when he woke the last time, but he must have simply been too weak then. The spider venom had been strong and was taking its time leaving his body. First she needed to calm his panic though. 

She quickly cupped his cheek, leaning in so that her chin rested on the mattress. 

"Hush. Stay still." She tried to sound reassuring but truly, she was hurting to see him in such a fright and so disorientated. 

"B-but…" He was gulping in air, breathing much too fast, eyes darting around him. 

"Look at me." She gently ordered, hoping to ground him. "You've woken before. Do you remember?" 

He stared at her, confusion still clear in his fearful eyes but at least he was focusing on her and stilled moving. 

"Shhh… breathe. With me. Steady." She carefully stroked his beard, avoiding a few bruises near his cheekbone. He shut his eyes tight, but did as she said, forcing his breaths to slow and deepen until they were almost in sync with hers though still shallower than she would have liked. The elf had said his lungs had not been affected and she hoped it was true though his ribs had taken a heavy beating judging from the bruises alone. 

She kept up the steady caress of his cheek, waiting until he blinked open his eyes again, still bleary but no longer fearful. 

"You were poisoned with spider venom." She then said, trying to keep the waver out of her voice. "The elves administered an antidote but it will take some more time since it was a concentrated dose, they said. You'll be right as rain once it's left you." 

His eyes widened. "I-I remember… Azog! He…" He paused, weak hand lifting again to fall short just of touching her but she caught it in hers and feeling bold and overwhelmed with relief at seeing him much more lucid than when he had last woken, she pressed a kiss to the thick skin of his palm. 

"He… I couldn't let him get K-Kili!" He mumbled. "I knew… I could tell…I sent him back." He stared past her shoulder and she knew he was looking at his brother, who was tirelessly being cared for by Tauriel. 

"W-why is he…?" Fili managed, "I tried…I tried…" 

"Shhh…You're alive. Kili is too. You're here. Both of you. You're both alive. You did it. You saved him and you're alive." She knew she was babbling nonsense but he looked so shocked at still being among the living and in so much pain at seeing Kili injured that it was all she could do not to give in to tears. His blunt fingers danced over her cheek where she held both their hands as if she might disappear. 

"I was…so sure…" He quirked his lips up into a tiny smile, her reassurances finally sinking in. "I did not hope to live." He breathed. "I never thought… to see you again." 

"And yet I'm here." She smiled, glad that he seemed more lucid than she expected. 

The smile broadened just a little, his eyelids heavy as he blinked slowly. "And yet you're here." He repeated in a reverent whisper. 

"Go back to sleep." Sigrid told him, hand creeping up to smooth at the furrowed brow and lines of pain around his eyes. 

"I'm afraid to." He mumbled, though his eyes were about ready to fall shut and he visibly fought to keep them open a little longer. "What if this is a dream?" 

She chuckled at that. "It isn't." She whispered though she could see that he was already only on the verge of consciousness. She settled back down herself, continuing to stroke his temple until she herself fell asleep, thanking the Valar with her last coherent thought that his selflessness had not killed him after all. 

### 

_Once the cold night air hit his face, he took a deep breath to steady himself. The elf had healed his brother. Kili would be fine._

_In fact he had walked out when he had already heard him waxing poetic about her again. Thorin would most certainly not like this._

_He turned his troubled eyes towards the mountain then. So far there was no sign of the dragon though they had all felt a few more quakes under their feet. Perhaps the company had succeeded?_

_The little dwarfling inside of him would love to see this end in gladness, but he had been raised to be more sensible than that. There was no chance they killed the beast and once it had devoured them all, it would come for them. They had doomed themselves and the innocent lives of the people in this town._

_"Are you alright?" A soft voice spoke behind him and already he recognized her easily. He turned to nod at Sigrid._

_"You should be inside. It's not safe out here." He told her, but there was no true conviction there._

_"Apparently inside is not safe either." She retorted and moved to stand by his side, her hands on the railing to look at the mountain. "I've lived in fear of this mountain all my life and now that the earth shakes and the dragon may come, I seem to be unable to think of it as real." She then confided quietly._

_Fili followed her gaze and nodded. "It is the same when you find yourself in sudden battle, your mind protects you so that you may function. It is only afterwards that you realize how close you have come to danger and death."_

_"Have you seen many then?" She asked, glancing at him from the corner of her eyes. "Battles, I mean."_

_He shrugged. "Depends who you ask. My brother and I have been trained to be warriors from a young age and been in a fair amount of skirmishes, but if you ask uncle or any of the others, they keep telling us that we know nothing of true battle."_

_"At least you know how to defend yourselves then. I could not even protect my family just then." She very quietly admitted, eyes downcast._

_Fili looked up at her for a moment, contemplative. "Then you should be better prepared next time." He finally stated._

_When she looked at him, he pulled the little knife she had seen him play with out of its sheath with a flourish and held it out for her handle first. "Here, take this. It will be better than nothing."_

_As she examined the blade, finding runes embedded into the metal, he unbuckled the little sheath from where he had placed it on his wrist._

_"It was hidden under my vambraces. The only one those damned elves did not find. It is light but sharp as a razor and should serve you well in a pinch." He explained and held out his hand, palm up towards her._

_She took a moment to grasp his meaning, then placed her wrist in his hand, watching as he strapped it on, adjusting the buckles for her much slimmer wrists. In the end he had to wind them around her wrist twice to secure it. When she handed him the knife, he demonstrated how it would slide into her palm with the tiniest flick of her wrist._

_"I made it myself. It's a neat little trick and will surprise your enemies. Now," He took a step back and Sigrid found that she missed the warmth his body seemed to be giving off, "here is what you should aim at."_

_He pointed at his own neck. "Anything here is like to kill, so always begin there if you can. Otherwise, the eyes are a good guess because it will get them off you if they are worried about having lost one."_

_Sigrid gulped but nodded and listened carefully as he explained about thick bloodvessels which were close to the skin and if pierced would bleed an opponent dry and where the small blade would be most likely to do serious damage._

_"If you can, you're best bet is running though. If you're not a warrior, you should always take that option first. Only fight when you must." He finished, his face a mask of seriousness._

_"Thank you." She managed. "I assume you have never run from a fight?" She could not help but ask._

_"There is nothing dishonorable about retreating when you're about to be overwhelmed to come back later and return with a good strategy." He seemed quite serious still, though his eyes were showing a small sparkle of amusement._

_Sigrid could not bring herself to smile. "There is no retreat here." She then muttered, her arms going around herself, though the knife on her wrist was a little reassuring._

_He did not contradict her but when she shivered again, she was startled to find him holding out the borrowed blue scarf he had been wearing. "You need it more than I do."_

_She smiled in acceptance but when she made to take it, he surprised her again by shaking his head and motioning for her to bend down a little so that he could loop it around her neck himself, draping the broad fabric over her shoulders in lieu of a cloak._

_"There. I would offer my coat, but well..." He looked away and Sigrid could have sworn he was a little flushed under his beard._

_"I hope it will be returned to you one day." Sigrid tried, not sure what to say as she straightened._

_"It's not so much the coat... my weapons are... they took my father's swords." He told her quietly._

_It suddenly occurred to her that he too must have lost a parent. "I'm sorry." She put a tentative hand on his shoulder which he took and smiled up at her. ___

"What's done is done." He shrugged as if it did not matter, but he could not quite hide the pain. 

_Sigrid found herself looking into his eyes a little too long, abruptly dropping her gaze to the floor. "That's true." She awkwardly muttered._

_"Sigrid..." Fili stepped closer but then suddenly his eyes were drawn to the mountain. "There's smoke."_

_Her heart stopped as she followed his gaze. "Is it the dragon?"_

_"No." He muttered, squinting to try and make it out better. Her hand was still in his and she found that it made her a little less afraid. "No. That looks more like forge-fire. Come, we must tell the others!" He tugged her towards the door, only letting go of her hand when he approached the others urgently telling them the news._

_That was when they were all nearly thrown off their feet when the earth shook and a roar like a hurricane sounded from the direction of the mountain._

tbc...


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dain makes his move, Balin is trying to contain the situation

"The lad needs to know. The vultures are circling." Sigrid sat up from where she had once again fallen asleep by the side of Fili's cot. Balin's voice had woken her. She had never heard the old diplomat so agitated in the short time that she had known him. 

"He can't handle Dain yet. He's barely coherent the few times he is awake." That was the large, bald one, Dwalin. She had noted that after their uncle's death, the warrior always seemed to spend his days near the tent the brothers shared. 

"I can't keep him occupied much longer, brother. Not with Men and elves also pushing for solutions." 

-"They will have to get past me if they try to get to him before the lad is ready." 

"You can't protect him from this much longer. He's been raised to do this." 

"Years from now! He was meant to enjoy years under…" Dwalin suddenly broke off. 

Sigrid still sat, not daring to make a sound, but wondering how the gold-mad king had once instilled such loyalty in his men. She glanced at Tauriel who gave her a slow nod. 

When she heard Balin's footsteps come closer to the tent-entrance, she quickly got to her feet. After a quick glance at Fili's sleeping form, she rushed to intercept the white haired dwarf. 

"Master dwarf!" She knew she had startled him but his eyes quickly narrowed. "I…I beg of you, give it more time." 

-"Lassie, what you're doing is much appreciated, but this is quite a bit beyond you." 

Though she heard the steel behind this amiable words, she planted her feet more steadily into the ground. "My Lord Balin, he is still weak and the new herbs for his pain are strong. Give him a few more days, at least until his brother has also woken." 

"I'm sorry but this is none of your business. I need to go have a word with him now." The dwarf made to push past her and she did what she had not thought herself capable and grabbed at the lapel of his jacket. 

"Please! He is in no state to be useful to you! Why cause him this pain already, when neither of them are yet safe?" She was sure she had done it then. Out of the corner of her eyes, she caught Tauriel shift as if readying to get to her feet. 

Yet, before she had to face the consequences of her disrespect, a weak voice spoke up. 

"What d'you need me for, Balin?" 

Sigrid froze, swallowing down the anger at the slurred rasp of Fili's words. She had not wanted to wake him. 

The old dwarf in front of her had gone tense, but the resolve came over his features quickly and he went to his prince's side. 

"Dain and his councillors have a notion that…" He paused, "well, that you fell, my lad. He wants to discuss the succession." 

Fili's eyes for a moment seemed to clear off the glaze from the pain medication as he took in what his uncle's advisor told him. "He wants to establish his power?" 

Balin did not respond but Sigrid could easily read the looks the two dwarves exchanged. 

"Can you pass on a message I will sign?" Fili croaked, coughing when his dry throat protested. Still, he waved Balin off when he was offered a cup of water, instead only licking his chapped lips. "And perhaps a few jewels and gold to show our appreciation?" 

"I think we can manage that, laddie. A nice formal farewell gift and an official letter may be enough to make him leave though he may still find an excuse to stay in hopes of getting the Arkenstone back." 

"Where is it?" Fili started shifting restlessly as if to sit up, but before Sigrid could rush to stop him, he hissed at the pain as his back was sprained and simply lay there, eyes squeezed shut and breathing through the pain stabbing through his chest. 

"Don't move!" Sigrid spoke up when he blinked open watery eyes again and met her gaze only for a second before gritting his teeth and focusing back on Balin. She had half a mind to push the old dwarf out of the tent, though she knew there was nothing she could do. 

"I…"Balin again hesitated, "We returned it to the mountain but Dain won't have it and wants to…well, break the seal." 

Fili looked at him for a moment, swallowed heavily and then nodded in understanding. 

"He's been to the treasury alone." He breathed, wheezing and clearly straining himself too much trying to stay awake and talk. 

"What is it about this stone that makes it so precious?" Sigrid asked quietly but to her surprise both of them fixed her with a pained look. 

"If Dain acquired the Arkenstone, he would effectively become King under the Mountain. He who holds it reigns over the Seven Kingdoms." Balin explained to her. 

Though Sigrid's mind reeled, not understanding how an admittedly remarkably pretty stone could impart such power, she thought quickly. "Would it help if Da signed the letter as a witness and guaranteed to only negotiate with you in exchange for a place in the mountain halls for the sick and weak during the harsh winter months?" She then blurted. 

There was another glance exchanged between the dwarves though Fili appeared to be smiling weakly. "It would benefit both our people if we were to share resources during the first few months." He agreed hoarsely. 

Balin sighed. "I had wanted to wait to sign an agreement until Bard had finished his talks with Thranduil to see if perhaps there might be some more resources to share…" He then admitted and Sigrid was surprised he would do so in front of her. 

Fili gave a tiny shrug but it still made him wince and he let out a pained breath. "Do it now. We don't have time for that." 

"Get your father, lass. I will bring Ori so that we can draw up the letter." Balin sighed. 

"I will send Tilda to bring Da." She told him and he nodded, looking very defeated and almost as old as his white hair and beard made him appear to her eyes. She did not meet Fili's eyes, but turned to step out of the tent, noting how Balin was resting a gloved hand on his arm. 

"Tilda!" She called, finding the girl watching Bifur intently as he carved on something that looked remarkably like the doll* she had lost in the chaos of the battle. She wondered if she should be concerned how at home her sister was within the dwarf-camp. 

She looked up at her name and grinned. "Look! It looks just like Nilly!" 

Sigrid managed a smile. "It does. Listen, Tilda. I need you to go get Da. I think I saw him by the elf-camp." She told her and it was with relief when Bifur took her sister's hand and grumbled something that she understood to mean he would go with her. 

"Thank you." She gave a little curtsey which made the dwarf chortle and respond with a bow of his own. She watched as the odd pair made their way through the bustle of the camp. 

She re-entered the tent and found Tauriel once again deep in her link with Kili while Balin gave her a grudging nod. He still did not trust her entirely, she knew. Fili, despite clearly being exhausted by the simple task of staying awake, was watching her with an unreadably expression. 

"My father is an honourable man. He will be sure to support your claim." She told Balin who nodded again and after a long look at her finally left to ready everything. 

As soon as he had gone, Fili made a low noise of distress and she rushed to his side as he struggled to lean over the edge of his cot, gagging. She steadied him as he retched water and acid onto the ground then just lay shivering. Her hand itched to stroke through his tangled hair but she just rubbed the unmarred part of his back instead. 

When she was pretty sure he had finished, she gently tried to ease him back against the cushions. Her concern peaked when he winced and bit hard onto his lip at the movement. 

She threw back the fur-coverings and blankets to check his wound. After she removed the bandages stained with fresh blood from his heaving back, she was relieved when she cut them off that the elven stitches held even if he had strained the injury. 

With a wistful glance at Tauriel who was still in her trance and so not an option for help, she carefully applied the salve they had been left with and tried to put a new bandage on much like the healer had shown her. 

Only once she was done did she allow herself to look up to notice how Fili's hands were clutching at the bedding beneath him. His pale face was covered with cold sweat, bleary eyes fixed on the tent wall. His breath still only came shallowly and she was ready to run for a healer when he looked at her. "Uncle is dead, isn't he?" He somehow managed, voice failing completely and turning into a whisper. 

Sigrid gulped, kneeling by the cot to be able to meet his eyes on one level, tears coming that she refused to show and nodded. Her hand moved unbidden, burying in his still tangled braids. 

She noted how he first tried to cast a look over his shoulder to look at his brother who still slept on and only then closed his eyes to let the tears overflow. He tried to hide his face in the mussed sheet underneath him but grabbed for her free hand when she offered it, clutching it close to his chest. 

On a sudden impulse, Sigrid climbed on the little space left on the cot and careful not to hurt him curled herself around the injured dwarf as he shook with sobs. Immediately he clutched her closer with the hand not clinging to hers until their foreheads rested against each other. 

She did not say anything while he cried silently for his loss and hoped her own tears would go unnoticed. 

"I don't know what to do." He whispered after having quietened some and swallowed hard, perhaps not having meant to admit how lost he felt. Sigrid did not move, had no idea of what to say. He would be King under the Mountain. 

She had not truly allowed herself to think on that, too worried for his life and that of her own people; her father as well. She would love for him to just tell her that everything was alright again but she had found even when they had spent a few short moments together, she could no longer believe it. 

She tightened her hold on Fili a little, knowing that she only felt a fraction of what he must feel. And yet, the thought that he was to be a King of legend meant that this may be all the time they might have. 

Soon, Balin would return with Ori in tow and her father too. If this was the only time they could be like this, then she would make the most of the moment. She tried to memorize how it felt to have her hand entwined with his, how his calloused skin felt warm on hers, how close they were and how they each had one arm wrapped around the other. 

Nonetheless, she kept an ear out for approaching footsteps, knowing that Fili would not want to be seen in his state of grief since he tensed whenever there was noise outside. 

Eventually, Sigrid sighed, pulling back reluctantly. "Rest until they come back. I will wake you." She got up and without letting go of his hand, which was still clutching hers, sat on the edge of the cot. 

Fili looked at her, eyes red and swollen before turning his face back into the pillow, shoulders still quaking a little. The thought came to her that he was ashamed. 

"Fili?" She reached out, stroking through his tangled hair, getting more and more comfortable with doing so. "I would never judge you. You're much braver than I could ever hope to be." 

He did not respond but did squeeze her hand a little before pulling it up and placing a kiss on her knuckles. 

She kept brushing over his hair, waiting for the others to return. Idly she remembered how not too long ago their roles had been reversed. 

###

_They spent hours in the little boat, huddled close together. Sigrid was still hiding her face in Fili's chest. He had pulled her close first to keep her from hurling herself into the water after her brother when she had glimpsed him on the tower with their father, and then simply to comfort her as she cried. They had all seen the tower come down._

_He did not speak, only rubbed soothing circles in her back. Bofur had taken over steering the vessel, casting a sympathetic glance at the lass every once in a while._

_Tilda was sitting in shock, staring at her older sister, huddled in a blanket that they had miraculously found in a chest at the back of the little boat which Tauriel had wrapped around the child. The elf was still by her side, one arm wrapped protectively around her shoulder._

_Sigrid felt a little guilty for not being able to comfort her. She was too numb with shock. She tried to pull away from Fili's warm hold, but he gently held her back. "Shhh...let it go, sweet. I've got you." He whispered and if she had been looking up, she would have noted how his cheeks grew red suddenly, clearly not having planned to use the endearment. As it was she was not even aware enough to notice his slip of the tongue._

_"T-Tilda." She instead managed to mumble into his tunic, clutching herself closer because there was nothing else left to hold onto._

_"She is here." He told her, giving her a squeeze before the soothing circles on her back stopped as he held out a hand to Tilda gesturing her closer. ___

The little one only moved once Tauriel prompted her with a gentle prod forward and Kili who sat utterly quiet for once, between them, eyes still going to the burning ruins of Laketown every once in a while, grasped her tiny hand softly, guiding her past him to the back of the boat where they sat. 

_"Here." Fili turned slightly, trying to coax Sigrid into taking a look as he reached up to gently draw her little sister down to sit next to her. The sisters clutched each other then and he could not help the sad smile as he watched, Sigrid still half in his lap._

_When he tried to move away, she looked up and met his eyes with her own, tearstained and bloodshot as they were. He took a hold of her hand, giving it a quick squeeze but when he drew back again, she held on and he decided that he did not mind, staying where he was._

###

_They had found a gravelly beach to land their boat on. It looked out across the lake, at the burning town and screams were piercing the night._

_Oin had started a little fire from some dried wood further inland and they all sat around it, trying their hardest to warm up. ___

Only Sigrid was still standing, looking out into the night, watching every boat and even some swimming survivors arrive on land, probably drawn by the light of their fire, hoping she might see her father and brother. 

_Fili watched her for a while, then caught his brothers eyes over the fire. Kili inclined his head at the girl in silent question and Fili felt the heat rise in his cheeks. He cast another look at her before rising to his feet with a sigh, studiously ignoring his brother watching him._

_"You'll freeze, lass. Come and sit by the fire." He approached the Bargeman's daughter._

_She did not say anything, but he could see her shake with the cold. He moved to stand next to her, also regarding the survivors who slowly seemed to all make their way towards them._

_"Sigrid." He then called her, noting how far away her gaze seemed._

_She flinched as if slapped but finally met his eyes, hers still red and salt tracks on her cheeks._

_He hesitantly reached for her hand, holding it like he had on the boat. He licked his lips. "If they made it, they will come here and by morn you may be able to look for them. There's no use standing in the dark and making yourself sick."_

_"I can't… Tilda… she can't see…" She was biting her lip, trying to hold in a sob and he took pity on her, knowing what she was trying to say._

_"Come." He lead her away from the others, surprised that there was no resistance._

_They walked until they reached an outcropping of trees and Fili gently guided her to sit down on the log of a broken oak while he gathered some dry twigs and in seconds had another small fire going._

_When he moved to sit beside her, she was staring senselessly into the flames. "How can you do that?" She asked, quietly._

_Fili looked at her, then at his meagre fire. "Well, it's no different than lighting one in a hearth."_

_She shook her head. "No, I mean, how is it so easy for you? It always took me hours to light our fireplace. That's why I try and keep it going even in summer, because…" She broke off, more tears rolling down her cheeks._

_Fili only then realized that she must have remembered how their fireplace was gone with everything else they had ever owned. "I am so sorry." He whispered, looking into the flames himself and feeling deeply ashamed. It was all their fault after all. If their company had not woken the dragon, she would still have her home and her family would be whole._

_"Would you… could you hold me again?" Sigrid asked after a long pause in a tiny voice. "Just a little while so I can…" She hiccupped, "get myself together for Tilda?"_

_Fili looked up at her and felt his heart go out to this girl who had to grow up much too fast. He knew what it was like to be the one to always hold it together._

_"Of course, however long you need me to."_

_He pulled her into a hug, noting with more pleasure than he should feel that sitting they were almost the same height and with her head resting on his shoulder he could even rest his chin on her hair. Before he could stop himself he placed a swift kiss there, glad that she did not know the significance of kissing hair in his own culture._

###

_She must have drifted off to sleep at some point because when Sigrid woke, the sun was rising, she was disoriented for a moment which then turned into surprise at how warm and safe she felt despite the night before._

_She only hoped her family was alright, the town itself could matter less to her. None of their people had never really been at home there. They had all somehow felt like refugees all their lives even if those who had lived in the Dale of old were long dead._

_Blushing furiously, she realized that she was still wrapped in Fili's arms, head resting against his chest as it rose and fell with his breathing. She assumed he was asleep and therefore caught off-guard when he nudged her gently._

_"Feeling better?" His voice rumbled through her ear. She nodded but did not move just yet. It was embarrassingly comfortable, until a thought hit her. They were still on the log. He had nothing to rest against._

_She turned her head enough to meet his gaze, finding dark circles under his blue eyes even as he smiled at her, the dimples under his beard doing all sorts of things to her stomach._

_"Did you not sleep at all?" She asked, arms wrapping around his solid frame because selfishly, she did not want to let go yet._

_"No. Someone had to keep watch. Those orcs did not simply disappear." He told her, the familiar worry creeping back into his eyes._

_Sigrid felt sad suddenly because here he was, taking care of her when just hours ago, he had worried about his brother, could not know if the rest of their company was alive and the way she saw it, he was also always the one to take responsibility. She should know how one should not take advantage of that._

_She cleared her throat nervously and looked down, cheek resting against his strong chest again. "I'm sorry."_

_"About what?" He asked, giving her a small nudge when she did not answer immediately._

_"For keeping you from sleep."_

_"I would not have slept either way. Like I said someone has to keep watch." He told her gently, though she could tell he was at least a little amused by the situation._

_"And that has to be you?" She challenged, looking up and finding herself nose to nose with him. His moustache-braids tickled her cheeks, they were so close. Though her stomach gave another tight flutter, she found she did not mind, instead it made her feel warm._

_"Who else? My idiot brother? Have I told you the story when we lost our ponies because he decided that he was bored of watching them and needed to climb a tree? I was so busy making sure he didn't break his neck, a troll stole them under our noses."_

_They chuckled nervously, both clearly very aware of the intimacy of their position. Fili squirmed a little though his arms around her did not ease up even when his eyes darted around, trying to avoid hers._

_"It's strange looking down at you." He suddenly blurted and she giggled, feeling bold, she leaned up and pressed a quick peck onto his lips, nothing more than what Tilda used to do when she had been a toddler and wanted her goodnight kiss._

_She looked away when she drew back and so missed him freeze entirely. She made to get up, but that broke the spell and he held her back._

_"Sigrid." He said and she looked at him, cheeks burning._

_She gulped when his eyes flickered from her eyes to her mouth and back, the most unsure expression on his face._

_Deciding that she was sick of being the sensible one, that she had never felt like this before and that if their world was ending she may as well have no regrets, she kissed him again, longer this time and nearly squeaked in surprise when he responded and deepened the kiss into something that felt nothing like that drool-soaked thing she had tried that one time with the Master's stableboy._

_Instead she was quick to give back what she was being offered and smiled when Fili drew back, breathing noticeably quicker than before._

_"Th-that…" He tried, then cleared his throat, "I never…" He tried again, then shook his head, almost hitting her with his beads._

_Laughing quietly, they settled into the embrace more, Sigrid burying her nose in his neck, feeling inexplicably shy. "I…wish we didn't have to face the day." She admitted, still a little overwhelmed._

_"It's not likely to give us a choice." Fili noted with a sigh, arms tightening around her._

_"A little while." She whispered, trying to push down on the heavy feeling of worry and grief in her belly. Not yet. Not yet._

###

_Eventually they had to make their way back and found that the whole beach was filled with makeshift tents and still there were survivors clawing their way through the water towards the beach. Some boats had gone back out to help them reach the safe shore._

_When they reached the others, the fire had burnt down and the others were trying to sort through what things they had managed to grab before the escape. Only the one called Bofur was sitting next to Tilda distracting her more or less successfully with a story while Oin fussed over Kili's leg who was doing his hardest to not look at the elf-lady._

_Before they were within earshot, Fili turned around abruptly, looking up at her with furrowed brows. "We have to go." He shot a glance at the mountain and his features hardened. "They may yet be alive. Either way we need to be sure." It sounded like an apology and Sigrid was surprised. It should no have to be._

_"Family is the most important thing." She told him and slipped her hand into his, entwining their fingers. "I pray we both find ours alive."_

_His eyes darkened a little but never left hers as he nodded before lifting her hand to his bearded cheek then pressed a kiss to the inside of her palm. "So do I."_

_"Take this." Sigrid told him as he already made to turn for the others. She took off the scarf and held it out to him. She was surprised it had survived their escape. "You will need it on the way."_

_He smiled, though it was a little tense and stepped closer, letting her put it around his neck much like he had done her the night before. It felt like a hundred years had passed since then._

_Their eyes met one last time before in silent understanding, he headed for his brother and the others and she for Tilda._

_"Let's look for Da!" She told her sister and pulled the girl to her feet. The elf followed while the dwarves moved quickly towards their boat to push it back into the water._

_It was only after she had thrown herself into her father's arms, ruffled Bain's hair and felt relief replace the deep fear she had carried with her, that she looked up and found the dwarves already far from the shore._

_She lifted a hand and thought she saw one or two of them return the gesture, but could not be sure if it had been Fili._

tbc


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (This one needed lots of tweaking and I'm hoping I actually did it justice because it was more difficult to write than expected.)  
> Kill finally wakes.

After the others had left, Fili had mercifully fallen asleep quickly. He had avoided the older dwarves' gazes, hoping that he might conceal his moment of weakness. He had insisted he be sitting, and so she had helped him prop himself up against a few pillows to be more upright. Sigrid had a feeling he was doing that too to appear less frail and did not think he noticed that the fact that he was trying to do so clearly seemed to pain them, especially the bald warrior. 

Her father had been carefully watching the dwarves, giving her a firm look as well at finding that it had been her suggestion to involve the people of the lake, but had spoken little. He had agreed to sign the letter as a witness then had moved over to her, kissing her forehead and hugging her close. "I will be back once I've spoken to both those kings." He had rolled his eyes so only she could see and Sigrid had smiled that some humour was still to be found. 

Her father had turned to incline his head to Fili who had nodded. Bard's eyes had softened at seeing the swollen bloodshot eyes meet his, though perhaps only Sigrid out of all present had really been able to see it. "You have my word that first and foremost we will work together as neighbours. I do not care for politics and you have proved your honour in helping my children to safety when the dragon came. That is enough for me." He had then addressed the wounded dwarf who at first had merely nodded until he remembered himself. 

"I thank you." He had hoarsely spoken, gaze dropping as soon as the man had left. 

Dwalin had squeezed his arm before leaving, then also quickly turned and left with shoulders squared. His brother had stayed a moment. "Laddie…" He had begun, lowering his gaze when Fili had just looked up at him blankly. "I will see this makes its way to Dain. I still hope he can be reasoned with but his advisors are not helping." 

Fili had nodded, and closed his eyes with a sigh. "Just make sure no one is allowed into the treasury except those of us from the company who already have been." He muttered, then reached out for Balin's arm where he stood next to him. 

"Balin?" His voice had Sigrid turn away and busy herself with some bandages lying on a table that needed sorting. He had sounded more like a scared child than the future king of this mountain. 

She still had heard the following conversation loud and clear though. 

"Do you think,…if we give the hoard away,… spend it on Dale's rebuilding a-and give the elves and Dain their due…" Fili had continued, hand still fisting Balin's sleeve. "Do you think it won't do to others what it did to uncle and save Dain?" 

Balin had seemed to melt, gloved hand reaching to smooth over the younger one's hair. "Oh, my lad. We will try. We can most certainly try." 

When the old dwarf had left, there had been tears in his eyes but he had waited for his king's nephew to fall into an exhausted sleep. 

Sigrid was therefore once again left alone since Tauriel was yet to wake from her healing trance. 

It was very apparent thought that maintaining this 'connection' as she had called it, was very taxing on the elf. Sigrid was not sure how to articulate it, but she appeared to be losing her light. She still did not really understand what she was doing, but it must be difficult indeed, to sap at the strength of an elf like that. 

She really did not look well. There were dark circles under her eyes and her skin was starting to look translucent. Sigrid was also sure she had not eaten once in her presence and since Tauriel had not left the tent once, she assumed she had not had rest or food since before the battle. 

Giving Fili's hand one last squeeze, she carefully eased her fingers from his lax grasp. It was time to at least solve one of those problems. She was not sure what elves ate, but surely a simply vegetable stew would be a nice start. 

Sigrid cast her own charge one last look, before leaving the tent in search for something to eat. If she was honest with herself, she might not have eaten either if not for either Tilda or Bain bringing her every meal. Tauriel clearly did not have anyone to look after her. 

She quickly located Bofur and the large dwarf, Bombur, playfully fighting over the ladle next to a merrily bubbling pot on a small fire. 

"Give it here you silly lump!" Bofur eventually appeared to win only to note why Bombur was distracted enough for him to grab the thing. "Why hello lass! What brings you here?" 

Sigrid could never help the smile these two seemed to bring to everyones faces. She laughed at Bombur giving her a bow. "Well, I was hoping to get some food for Tauriel. I do not think she's been eating." 

"Surely she just went to her own folk for that." Bofur frowned, "Elves have weirder tastes than us lot, trust me on that." Beside him Bombur gave a shudder in remembering something. She could only guess it was the time they had spent in the Elvenking's dungeon; surely he would not judge their taste on what they fed to prisoners? 

"I doubt she has. She is yet to leave Kili's side." 

"He's still not woken up, has he?" Bofur sobered, even his hat appeared to droop though that was probably Sigrid's imagination. 

"No, I'm afraid he has not. I wish I had some news for you, but he remains the same." 

"Aye, well it won't do if his caretaker does not eat." Bofur noted but already Bombur was shoving a bowl of stew filled to the brim into Sigrid's hands. 

"You dolt! That's dwarven food! She won't like it." Bofur accused him, but Bombur was adamant and so Sigrid found herself returning to the tent with the bowl and a large piece of dry bread the rotund dwarf had also pressed into her hands. 

She hesitated a little before approaching Tauriel where she sat by Kili's side, never letting go of his hand. Fili was still sleeping on his cot and thankfully it was still a peaceful sleep. 

"Tauriel?" She addressed the elf, placing the food on a small table that held various herbs and medicines. 

When there was no reaction, she moved closer and put her hand on her shoulder. "Tauriel." She gave her a little squeeze before she abruptly pulled back, suddenly worried it might do something terrible to her or Kili. 

The elf stirred, smiling up at Sigrid though it was a little wan. "He's breathing easier." 

Sigrid returned the smile but then gestured to the food. "You have not eaten in days." He noted, perhaps a little lamely, but she just was not entirely comfortable speaking to a creature like Tauriel still. 

The elf looked at the meagre offerings before turning grateful eyes back to Sigrid. "I thank you. I… I must admit that I have not even noticed until now." She looked rather sheepish, glancing back at the unmoving Kili. 

"His spirit is still far away," She noted and Sigrid took the opportunity to bring over the food lest the elf might forget once again. "I'm not sure if I can draw him back, I wonder if it is something else." 

Sigrid frowned at that. "But you said he is healing?" 

"His body is healing, yes." The elf trailed off and Sigrid, though not quite sure about the cryptic responses, nodded. "Fili will need to know." She quietly noted. 

Tauriel met her eyes, something suddenly alight in her own gaze. "Would it be terrible to wake him? Perhaps his presence will change things." She asked almost a little over-eager. 

Sigrid nodded at the bowl of food. "Once you have eaten." She told the elf who could not help but smile a little sheepishly. 

"You will be a great mother one day." Tauriel noted after her first bite under watchful eyes. 

Sigrid blushed. "Sorry, it's habit." 

The elf laughed and Sigrid noted with perhaps a little envy how even that sounded like the tinkling of bells. 

"It was no criticism. I admire that. I lost my parents when I was very young, so I never truly learnt what mothers do firsthand." 

Sigrid thought back to the vague memories she still had of her own mother, the warmth and security of her embrace. "That's quite sad." She noted quietly. 

Tauriel paused to consider the comment, then shook her head. "I never knew what I was missing, so I was not aware of it. I am who I am because of my past. Just as you are." She told her. 

Reluctantly, Sigrid placed a gentle hand on Fili's shoulder. She was still not entirely happy about waking him, but she could not bear to keep his brother's serious condition from him any longer. 

She had let him sleep as long as possible but her and the elf had spoken and if Kili did not wake soon, even elven healing would not be enough to sustain his body with no sustenance and the little water they managed to trickle into his mouth. 

"Fili?" She quietly called him, squeezing rather than shaking his shoulder to not aggravate his injuries. 

He only stirred when she called him twice more and even then he looked disoriented at first. 

"Sigrid?" He instantly looked alarmed once his eyes focused on her. He pushed up and to her utter shock almost managed to sit up leaning on his arms all by himself. He immediately looked to Kili with fear all over his expression before sagging a little bit so that she had to reach out to steady him. 

"I-I thought…" He was visibly trying to take deep breaths. Sigrid tried to help him lie back down, but he was having none of it, instead sitting up more though he had to lean on her even for that. 

"It's alright. He's doing better, Tauriel and I are just concerned he is not waking yet." She tried to soothe, sitting on the bunk next to him so the stubborn dwarf had a shoulder to lean against if he insisted on sitting up like this. If she was honest with herself, she was surprised he was already able to move this much. 

Fili nodded distractedly, breathing a little easier, though his blue gaze was entirely fixed on his brother. After a long silence in which he seemed to come to some sort of decision he grasped for her hand. 

"Help me up." He croaked and it was impossible to misunderstand his intention. 

She hesitated. "I... You should not move so much yet. In fact, you should lie back down." She told him, understanding at the same time that if it were one of her siblings, nothing would keep her in bed either. 

He must have read her mind, because his mouth twitched into a small smile. "It will be easier if you help me. I will go to my brother either way. I will fall over and crawl if I must but I will sit with him." He told her, still raspily and she could not help but smile back, though she rolled her eyes too. 

"I will kill you if you tear up the elf's good work." Sigrid muttered as she herself got up to stand in front of him and let him grasp both her arms for leverage. 

"Don't think you'll have to in that case, love." He replied, far too casually for her liking, but when she glared, he only grinned sheepishly. "It'll be alright. I promise." It only occured to her afterwards, the endearment he had used, too worried about his injuries for the moment. 

She kept careful watch as he slowly pushed to his feet, using her support for balance. His eyes rested on his brother as he took a first tottering step forward. It was not far, but even the few steps were enough to make Sigrid doubt his decision. 

Tauriel watched silently as he limped his way closer, Sigrid steadying him as much as she could, then pulled up a cushion and moved over a little to allow Fíli to sit by his brother's side on the bench that she herself sat on. She still held his hand, as if that connection was what kept him tethered to the world. 

"How is he?" He asked, worriedly taking in the wan look on Kili's still face. Sigrid squeezed his shoulder before turning back to the cot he had left for the first time in days to take the chance to replace the old sheets. 

"His hold on life is strong." Tauriel sighed, fingers brushing through the unruly mop of hair. "I'm afraid something else might keep him from waking." 

Fili watched her with wariness in his eyes. "What is it then? You healed his leg, didn't you?" His hand automatically went for his brother's forehead, mercifully cool but still clammy. He tried not to think too much of Laketown when he had done the same thing, only his brother had been delirious with fever not still like this. 

Tauriel cast him a look, then sat back letting go of Kili's hand. "No. No, I believe it is the fact he saw you fall." 

Fili's eyes widened but soon found himself shaking his head and turning back to stare at his brother again. 

"Can he… can he hear me?" He asked, once he had sat forward with a suppressed groan, too absorbed in taking in the pallor of his brother's face to really notice the pain or care for that matter. 

"Does it matter?" Tauriel gently asked, but her eyes were fixed on the younger dwarf. 

Fili swallowed and leaned closer over his brother. "Kili, I'm here." He whispered awkwardly, fully aware of the audience he had. "Don't you dare leave me, you hear. Ma will be here soon and she would beat me to death if you're not there to greet her!" 

At the thought of their mother, he gulped down any emotions welling up, instead wanting to focus on his brother. 

"Please wake up nadadith*… I can't do this without you." He watched him closely as if by some miracle his voice alone might be enough to cause Kili to wake up. 

After a tense silence he turned around to look at Tauriel, feeling helpless. 

"I'm not sure he knows to place your voice in reality with the state he is in." Tauriel told him gently. 

Fili looked back to his brother, trying to will him to wake up, to will him to know that he was here waiting for him. The elf's hand on his own where he rested it on his brother's upper arm had him look up again. 

"I would like to try something if I may." She spoke then, ageless eyes shining with some strange light. 

"What would you have me do?" He found himself saying, trying to ignore the twist in his stomach. He remembered quite well his uncle's stories of elf-witches. 

"Take his hand and mine." She said and bent over his brother's form, eyes closing. Then she began to whisper in elvish and after a long while of feeling like a fool, sitting there and watching her, Fili decided to take things into his own hands. 

He cast her an assessing glance, debating if this would disturb her own attempts of reaching Kili, but deciding she would probably not hear anything over her low chanting. 

He bent closer so that his mouth was right by his brother's ear. There was a slight pain in his strained back that he ignored, the pain not enough to suggest tearing stitches. 

Sending a quick prayer to Mahal, he whispered in Kili's ear in their people's secret language, calling to him with his true khuzdul name and begging him to wake up. 

He held his breath, but when there seemed to be no change, he rested his forehead on his little brother's temple and felt tired like never before in his life. Perhaps he should just lie down in the cot, next to his brother and join him in deep sleep. 

The elf was no longer chanting and there was no sound in the tent other than slow breathing and so Fili kept his eyes closed, wishing to slip into his brother's dreams and leave reality behind. 

"F-Fee?" There came a croak by his ear and a sudden intake of breath from the elf. 

He laboriously lifted his head to find bleary brown eyes meeting his. Kili blinked rapidly, disbelief written all over his pale features. 

"I saw you fall." He breathed. 

His brother cupped his scruffy cheek, bringing their foreheads back together. "I'm alive, Kee. We're both alive." He whispered, relishing his brother's gasp of surprise before a heavy, shaking hand landed on the back of his neck, keeping him in place. 

"How?" Kili croaked and Fili only then realized that his brother's throat must be raw from dryness. He pulled away to sit up, only for Tauriel to push a cup into his hands with a smile and then turned to tend to some herbs but he had seen the tears in her eyes anyway. 

"Was it a nightmare?" Kili asked as soon as he had moistened his vocal cords. 

Fili's voice would not obey him and so he could only shake his head. 

Kili blinked at him again, before his eyes widened and fear filled them. "U-uncle?" 

When Fili shook his head again because he seemingly had forgotten how to speak, Kili's eyes filled with tears. 

"No!" He breathed, his expression grief-stricken as he silently begged his brother to tell him everything would be alright. It broke Fili's heart that unlike when they had been children, there was nothing he could do to fix this. 

Instead he ignored the twinge in his own wounds and pulled his little brother into an embrace, immediately feeling Kili cling to him and bury his face in his chest. 

He noted that both Tauriel and Sigrid had gone outside to give them privacy. 

"I… I thought I saw…" Kili tried, clearly not yet able to sort the thoughts in his head. He twisted fistfuls of Fili's tunic around his hands, making his brother wince as it pulled on his injuries and he noticed, quickly easing his grip. 

"I thought I'd lost you, Fili. I could not have lived with myself!" He mumbled, though still making no move to pull away. 

Glad his brother had no head injury, Fili slapped him over the back of the head quite soundly then. 

"You orc-brain! Is that why you tried to get yourself killed? Can I not leave you alone for one moment?" 

Kili reared away, gritting his teeth when it agitated his injury and batting at his brother's hands when he eased him back onto the cot. "I did not 'try' to get myself killed! It's not like I planned for that beast to stab me!" He whined and then stopped, seeing the wry smile on his brother's face. 

"Fili…" He said, tears shining in his dark eyes. Fili simply clasped his hand and the brothers spent a silent moment just taking in the fact that they were together and alive. 

They only moved when there were footsteps outside which were all too familiar to the both of them and both looked up expectantly. 

"I'm sorry, lad..." Dwalin trailed off, stopping in his tracks when he saw Kili awake and looking at him. 

Both brothers stared when the old warrior suddenly teared up, then barged forward, enveloping the both of them in a bear hug, though he held back on his strength to avoid hurting them. 

Kili shot his brother a shocked look, while Fili did his best to to pat Dwalin's back to calm him. 

"Boys!" Their weapon-master choked and squeezed them a little before pulling away to look at each of them, clearly not ashamed of the tears he was still shedding. 

Kili still seemed terrified. "A-are you alright, Dwalin?" In his shock dropping the honorary 'Mr' he had always addressed him with. 

It seemed to set him off again because more tears trailed into the bushy beard and he ruffled Kili's already mussed hair. "Bless you, laddie!" 

He paused, looking at them both, then smiled widely. "I'm alright." He reassured them, though Kili still looked at him warily. 

Fili could not help but smirk and shake his head. Who would have thought? 

"Did you need something, Dwalin?" He then asked. 

The old warrior shot him a look, then sighed heavily. 

"I've spoken to Dain. Something's not right with him. There is no reasoning with him. He has it in his head that both of you are caught in the sleep of the living dead and we're keeping you alive only with elf-magic to keep him from his rightful throne." 

Kili's eyes had gone wide, clearly disoriented by all this. "Everyone's gone mad!" 

Fili tried and failed to stop himself from rolling his eyes at him. "Is the letter not enough for him?" He sighed. 

Dwalin nodded, looking worried. "Balin is doing his best, but he's just lost his marbles if you ask me, lad." 

Trying to think of a solution, Fili rubbed at his healing scars absentmindedly. They were healing much faster than expected and though he had quite confidently convinced Sigrid to help him get up, he had not been sure wether his legs would carry him until he had tried it. Clearly elvish healing had it's perks. 

Nontheless, he needed to be able to stand up to Dain and as of yet, he tired quickly and could not hold his own weight for more than a short moment or so. They needed to stall a little longer. 

"I'll write him another letter myself, that will keep them occupied a little longer. At least they can argue about it while I can get ready to meet him." He eventually said. "Do we have quill and parchment?" 

Dwalin eagerly left to find some, wide smile still apparent under his beard as he looked at the two of them and shook his head before he left the tent. 

"What are you planning to do?" Kili asked and lay back on his bedding gingerly. 

"I'll write to Dain, thanking him for his help and inquiring about his willingness to negotiate with Balin about supplies for the winter." Fili forced a smile "It will give them something to discuss if nothing else, and might buy us a few days to come up with something else." 

Kili took in the worry-lines on his face, the exhaustion his older brother could not hide and his eyes widened with anxiety. "What did I miss, Fili? What is going on?" 

tbc...


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili takes charge and has to face some not so nice truths

For the next few days, Fili tried to learn all that needed to be done, all that they were in the process of deciding upon. With Kili awake, he felt he now needed to make it apparent that the two of them were ready to claim their position. 

It was not too bad. Dain had handled things well until recently, working with Balin and a few of his own councillors to draw up trade agreements with the Men of Dale and negotiating an appeasement with the elves. 

This was Fili’s priority. He had sent Gloin and Bofur to find the precious stones the elf-king was seeking. Balin had mentioned that Thorin had found them before the battle. 

Propped in a heavily padded chair with Kili next to him in a similar one and Tauriel flanking them, he waited for Thranduil to follow his invitation for an initial talk. Never mind that Sigrid had still needed to help him settle himself into it. She had left after that, saying that her presence would only complicate things as this was only a meeting of elves and dwarves. 

When the tent flap opened, he straightened and met the icy gaze of Thranduil head on. 

“I see my healers have done well.” The elf remarked and ignored the chair set out for him, instead choosing to tower over the two seated dwarves. He turned his eyes to Tauriel. “Captain.” He nodded at her. She bowed her head in acknowledgement. 

“I wish to thank you for that, my lord.” Fili managed to sound more or less friendly, though it ground on his pride and that of every single dwarf present. 

Thranduil raised an eyebrow at him, but if he was surprised then he was not showing it. “It was not done for your sake.” He then noted, clearly not giving a damn about diplomacy. 

Fili grit his teeth, placing a hand on his brother’s arm who had tensed up and tried to stick to the plan anyhow. “We have found something that we are willing to gift you with either way as a first sign of trust between Erebor and Mirkwood.” He stated. 

Balin came forward then, looking miffed but dutifully handing over the small chest to the Elvenking. 

When Thranduil opened it, his eyes widened and Fili had the satisfaction of truly having caught him off-guard. 

Within moments, the elf had recovered though, expression once more wiped blank of any emotion and looking coldly into Fili’s. 

“I will take those now.” He stated and without ceremony, took the chest from Balin who nearly stumbled at the sudden force. 

Fili grit his teeth as the elf made to leave. “Thranduil.” He called him, his tone emulating his uncle’s whenever he had cursed the Elvenking. 

It gave him pause at least, though he kept his back turned to the dwarves, an insult that Fili would have to let slide for the greater good. 

“There are more goods we may negotiate with. The Men of Dale will offer a valuable trade route once the city has recovered.” He called him. 

The elf only turned back to him after a moment. “And why should I invest into such a pointless endeavour?” 

There was a gasp from Kili by his side, but Fili shot him a pointed look to let him handle this. “Because, King of Mirkwood, I understand you like your Dorwinion wine.” He spoke, smiling pointedly at the elf. “If not for the Men of Dale, who shall supply you with it?”  
Thranduil’s eyes narrowed. “My kingdom has endured many failed cities of Men. It is their nature to build and destroy in the most predictable way. Why should I aid those who cannot help themselves?” 

“Exactly because of that, my lord.” Fili crossed his arms, grimacing as the gesture antagonised his injuries but otherwise keeping his attention on the elf. “They cannot help themselves and we are in no position to help them. Think on it. Dale will forever be in your debt. That is something, isn’t it?” He refused to add Erebor to the equation, there was only so much he was willing to give. 

“Trying to manipulate me will not work, little Dwarf prince.” The blond elf glared at him but Fili was used to his uncle’s ire and did not give an inch. He was only glad that Kili beside him, though tensed, kept his peace. 

“I would never dare to, my lord.” He shot him a deliberately harmless grin. “I am merely pointing out the advantages of an alliance.” 

Silence. Thranduil clearly did not know what to do with him, apparently expecting all dwarves to rise to his insults and in doing so to lose track of negotiations. 

“I will consider it.” The elf ground out eventually, shooting a glare also at Tauriel who had schooled her expression into stone, her hand on Kili’s shoulder apparently what had kept him from interfering with the discussion. 

“I pray you think on the consequences of such an alliance as well as these so called advantages.” Thranduil noted, whether to Tauriel or Fili was unclear as he addressed the whole room. 

With a rather dramatic whirl of his cloak, he then nearly stormed from the tent, his guards struggling to keep pace. 

***  
“Well, that could have been worse.” Kili was the first to speak. He squeezed his brother’s shoulder with a wide smile. “All those dull rhetoric and politic lessons have really paid off with you.” He winked though Fili only responded with a weak smile. 

“I for my part, don’t know how you do it. I haven’t even said anything and I need some air.” Kili continued and expectantly looked up at Tauriel who shook her head with a wry expression. “You know what the conditions are if you wish to go outside.” She reminded him and his face immediately fell. 

“Fine. But do you have to carry me?” He begged quietly though everyone could well hear him. 

The older dwarves present tried unsuccessfully to hide their amusement. 

“It’s either that or staying inside.” The elf smiled indulgently. 

The young dwarf grumbled but then nodded. As the elf bent down, the others present turned their attention back to Fili to spare his brother any more embarrassment as he was lifted up into the elf-maid’s arms and carried off like a rescued maiden of human fairy-tales. 

“I have to say, laddie, I wish I had your nerves with these leaf-eaters.” Gloin noted, shaking his head and shuddering. 

“Aye, lad. I’ve always said you have a knack for keeping your head on the battlefield.” Dwalin remarked, patting him on the shoulder more gently than he usually might.  
“Yer uncle sure would be proud.” Bofur told him with sincere eyes and Fili only then looked up to give him a grateful smile. “Thank you, Bofur. Though I think he’d more likely have my head.” He said quietly and it sent everyone laughing. 

They did quieten down rather quickly though, the grief still too close for all of them and it was plainly written on Fili’s face that the thought of his uncle was still a raw wound for him. 

“There is more to consider if the elves leave for their forest.” Dwalin broke the silence. “The orcs didn’t just disappear. There’s reports that they’re hiding away for now, but there is no telling what they will do if they decide us an easy target again.” 

Fili’s jaw clenched. “Have scouts been sent to locate them and give us an idea for numbers?” 

“I can scout them out if you want. Been itching to get out a bit anyhow.” Nori offered from where he had been lurking in the background. 

Fili nodded at him gratefully. “Thank you, Nori. I don’t want to rely on outside sources for this.”

There was a short silence when the company took in the precarious situation they were in. They could not trust Dain anymore, the elves would be leaving soon and that left their list of allies remarkably thin. 

Making their excuses, they eventually filtered out of the tent, ostensibly to find Bombur who was getting some food going for them all. 

“Fili, lad, I need to speak with you.” Balin who had stayed behind looked uncomfortable. 

The blond dwarf sighed and turned back to him from where he had watched the others leave the tent. “I’m tired, Balin.” 

There was a silence because they both knew it was a huge admission for the usually dutiful heir of Durin. 

Balin swallowed, then managed a fake smile. “Well, perhaps it can wait then, laddie.” He said and made to leave as well, but then Fili shook his head, reaching up to rub a shaky hand over his eyes.  
“No, tell me.” He rasped and Balin hesitated only a moment, before stepping closer to the padded chair they had somehow found for their future king. 

“I…there is talk among the people.” He began, “they are suggesting… things about the closeness between you and Sigrid.” 

Fili was silent for a fair amount of time, staring at the desk and papers laid out in front of him. 

“Help me to my bed, please.” He then said tonelessly. 

Balin’s eyes softened as he rushed to support him when he pushed the chair back. “Alright, here we go. Nice and easy.” He slung one of Fili’s arms around his shoulders and took most of his weight. It was a good thing too as Fili’s legs felt like they would give way at any moment. 

It was a frustrating realisation that simply sitting up the way he had was such a taxing business. Yet, Fili could do nothing but let Balin guide him to his cot, the old dwarf easily managing to support him as though he weighed no more than a dwarfling. 

When he was settled, the old dwarf took a seat on a stool. “You’ll have to explain this to me a little, lad.” He said.

Fili was staring at the ceiling from where he lay on the cot, jaw clenched. The pain tonic Oin had given him to take was not enough to numb his injuries and he refused to take something stronger but the physical pain was not his immediate concern. 

Balin knew this, Thorin would have done the same. Though people might think Kili appeared more like his uncle in body, Fili lacked none of the stubborn self-sacrificial nature he knew marked Thorin as a great leader.  
He would watch closely and keep his peace until the young dwarf gave in and finally accepted help or until it became necessary to reveal the truth. 

“I… We became close in Laketown and… after the attack.” Fili unexpectedly spoke up while Balin had already contemplated leaving him to get some rest. Instead he waited if there would be more information he might share. 

“W-we care for each other…” Fili grimaced because he had apparently not put too much thought into it and bless the poor lad, he had had far too much to worry about until this moment. 

Balin sighed. “I take it her father does not know?” 

Fili closed his eyes and shook his head. “Not really… I mean he has been to see us…me.”

Balin could tell he was struggling, whether it was because of exhaustion or the difficult situation that he seemed to only slowly come to recognise. 

“Fili,” The advisor’s tone was soft, “have you thought of what the consequences would be?” He did not need to voice the scale of things. 

The blond dwarf was still to open his eyes again but he was breathing harsher, as if trying to stay calm. He shook his head again. 

Balin hated to pain him, he truly did, but he felt things needed to be discussed, so he pressed on. “She is not yet of age, lad.” 

“She will be next year.” Fili croaked in protest and for a moment, Balin stared, because of the two of them, Fili was the one to accept things quietly while Kili could argue until sundown if he felt the need. 

“That may be, but have you considered the other half of that equation?” 

At this, Fili did look at him, blue eyes filled with defiance but also pain. “I-I have.”  
“Has she? Does she understand that in her life-time you will not grow old? That she would wither but watch you thrive at the same time?” Balin pressed and it hurt his soul that he needed to do so, but these things needed to be put into words. 

Fili looked away then. “Please, Balin. Leave me be now.” He quietly said and the old advisor nodded, squeezing his shoulder before he got up. 

“Things are complicated enough right now. Think about things but we don’t need this sort of conflict with the People of Dale when we’re trying to negotiate the terms for a treaty.” He told him regretfully, knowing it did not come close to the apology he wished he could give him. 

“Get some rest, laddie. I’ll see what I can do about those elves and Dain.”  
Balin almost found himself reaching out a hand then to brush Fili’s hair from his face, like he used to when he had been but a lad and come to him, upset and confused by the demands Thorin had put on him.  
He had always had a habit of hiding behind his golden mane then though it had disappeared in his adult years. 

He quickly pulled back when he reminded himself of the present. This was no little dwarfling anymore, though young and clearly suffering this was his King to be. No matter how he wished to comfort him, it was no longer his place. 

Instead, he left him there curled up on his side while he exited the tent and looked to the mountain. “Oh, Thorin. The lad needs you.” He whispered, ignoring the little tear that slid into his beard. 

***

Late that night, Sigrid had come to change his bandages and bring him some supper. 

She immediately noticed how Fili barely spoke a word, staring off into nothing. Not that he was a chatterbox like his brother, but usually he at least greeted her with a dimpled smile and made an effort to ask about her family. 

When he did look at her he was stone-faced and formal; much as if he did not know her. 

She kept quiet until she was ready to help him lie back down. “Is something the matter? Did the elves refuse you?” She then asked, worried that perhaps the meeting had gone awry. 

“No.” Fili still did not look at her. “No, Thranduil has not outright refused us supplies, so that is something.” He reluctantly elaborated. 

The silence ate at Sigrid and fidgeting where she stood, she blurted: “Have I done something wrong? Have I somehow insulted you?” 

At least it shocked him into looking at her. “No! No, don’t ever think… Mahal have mercy, Sigrid, don’t ever think any of this is your fault.” He sat back up with a wince, but waved her away when she made to move toward him. 

She clenched her fists by her side, feeling useless and helpless all at once at his refusal and the distance he had suddenly built up between them. 

“Then talk to me, Fili.” She hissed, temper flaring. 

He did not speak for a moment, did not even seem to react to her outburst for the longest time.

“I…your family must need you, Sigrid. Why are you still here?” He eventually asked in a toneless, resigned voice, eyes quickly darting away from hers to settle on the tent ceiling. 

She frowned at him. “My family is fine. Da is organizing everything with Bain’s help and you need me here.” 

She paused, looking at his pained expression. “Don’t you?… I… I can leave if you want me to.” 

He shook his head before she could let the fear that he might send her away grow. “I don’t want you to leave…” He took a deeper breath, relaxing a little as his body settled more into his mattress. “I just thought it’s…” He looked into her eyes intently, “time for you to get back to your family.” he then admitted. 

Sigrid felt herself flush deeply, though she was not sure if it was the realisation that he was pushing her away, or the fact that yes, her priority should have been her own family and though they were safe, there was no justification to her continued presence in the Dwarven camp. 

When she met Fili’s eyes again, he looked like he was awaiting a deathblow. “Is this really what you want?” She asked, pushing away the anger for now, wondering if there was something more he was struggling with. 

“ I…” He grit his teeth for a moment then closed tired eyes to take a deeper breath. “It doesn’t matter what I want. It matters what I have to do for my people.” 

She completely stilled, tried to speak but nothing made it past her lips.  
She had not had time to think, to realise what had been growing between them. Too much had been going on, too many things had been on her mind.  
Of course his obligation to his people came first, of course whatever this thing between them was, would not be anything that might grow, would be anything they could even afford to seriously entertain. 

Fili still kept his eyes closed, breathing shakily both from the exhaustion of the day and the situation itself. He wanted to curl up and sleep until everything revealed itself to be nothing but a very confusing dream. 

“I… will you look at me, Fili?” Sigrid spoke and made herself touch his cheek with shaky fingers. It had before been a simple thing to do, almost natural after what they had been through but she had not been aware of the significance until this moment. 

She gulped at the pain in his eyes when he did look at her.  
“Explain this to me.” She asked, awkwardly and feeling a little stupid for not understanding what was causing him so much pain, why he was saying these things. 

He tried to sit then, but clearly his injuries were too sore, too strained, because he only lifted himself onto his elbows before he had to bite his lip to hold in a groan. She wanted to push him back down, but refrained from doing so, worrying it might cause him unnecessary pain.

“I…” Fili started hoarsely, “I do not want to stain your honour anymore than it has already suffered. I have been told things my people say, sooner or later your people will start speaking of these things too and then your father…” He rambled but could not bring himself to say it. 

“What? What are they saying?” Sigrid was growing tired of not being able to follow his train of thought.

He ground his teeth together, still looking at her like he was trying to memorise her. “They are questioning why you are spending so much time in here, what you are doing, why you are doing it.” He breathed out eventually. “I…I would not have them speak ill of you.” 

Sigrid stared at him blankly, understanding dawning. She licked her lips, looking away. Of course, as a Bargeman’s daughter, nobody would care about her relations. But what she had so far successfully pushed away, was that she was now a Lady of Dale and a Lady of Dale would be scrutinised in everything she did. 

“I…” She cast a quick glance at Fili, though quickly looked away again. “I would stay anyway. As long as you need me. Healing is no art to be ashamed of.” She eventually muttered. 

“Sigrid, I can’t ask you to-“ 

-“You’re not.” She interrupted, more assured then. “I never even considered what others may think, Fili.” She looked at him then, both acknowledging the painful reality. “But what I would do, is repay my debt to you, for you saved my life in Laketown and those who would speak ill, will simply have to be reminded of that.” 

He nodded, trying to hold in the wince at the still pulsing ache from having strained his injuries. He froze when Sigrid suddenly leant down, pressing her lips to his. 

She felt her eyes burn with tears because up until then, neither of them had fully understood what this had meant and now it seemed more of a thing that stood between them rather than something connecting them. 

Fili’s large hand cupped her cheek to keep her in place when she made to pull back. “I’m sorry.” He whispered against her lips. 

She kissed him again before simply pressing her forehead to his. “I- I will not be going anywhere until you tell me to.” She breathed before taking his hand into her smaller one and giving it a squeeze as she pulled back.  
“I should.” He said, pulling away. “I should tell you to stay away.” 

She tried to meet his eyes but found that he would not let her, instead, closing his again with a tired sigh. “I understand duty, Fili. I do not blame you. I will be here while you need me;” She paused; “As your friend.” 

“I have to check on Tilda.” There were tears in her eyes as she straightened and made to leave even if she tried to hide them.


	9. Chapter 9

“I demand for this farce to end!” The barking voice was so sudden, Sigrid flinched and nearly dropped the tray of foods she had been carrying.  
Fili reached out quick enough to steady it from his perch on the chair, he had insisted he use instead of staying in bed while reading over notes and information brought to him by Balin. 

He had been set up with a table to use as a desk and no one had been able to persuade him otherwise after they had had more news from Daín and his councillors who tried to put pressure on negotiations between the races present at the foot of the mountain. It did nothing but create confusion and distrust.

Sigrid had started to spend more time with her siblings again, not comfortable as she had been before and also not wanting to intrude on the discussions Fili and the rest of the company had.  
She still brought meals to the tent, but mainly spent her time there speaking with Tauriel who still cared for Kili. The elf seemed to sense her emotional upheaval because she would simply listen or tell her grand tales of her people when she needed distractions. 

Fili and her had taken to interacting as little as possible simply because they had become tense and awkward. All she truly wanted to do was to wrap her arms around him and yell and scream at all the things which were so visibly bearing down on him. 

If it was down to her and from what she had seen also the bald-headed warrior who kept guard by Fili’s side most days, he would be in bed still just like his brother. Balin also cast him a worried glance every once in a while, noting the too rapid change in his former student, though he said little. 

There was a commotion outside and Sigrid quickly put down the food and stepped towards the tent entrance with the intention of leaving only to nearly bump into a very irrate red-haired and bearded dwarf who chose that moment to storm in. 

He completely ignored her but stopped short at seeing Fili sitting behind a table. The heir of Thorin straightened with no visible strain, though she knew it was there. Luckily, the table played it’s part in concealing how weak he still was. 

“Daín.” He greeted and his face had gone hard as stone. Sigrid almost felt like the ghost of his uncle had replaced his usually cheerful soul.

The older dwarf looked like he had seen a ghost himself, mouth opening, then closing. Had he truly not expected to find them recovering? 

“Is there something I can do for you?” Fili asked cordially, only then placing down the papers he had been looking over. 

Behind Daín, Gloin and Dori reached the scene, the usually prim latter of the two clearly a little out of breath, but quick to step in front of the Lord of the Iron Hills with a menacing expression. “Are you satisfied now? You should show Thorin’s heir more respect, you…!”

A quick but sharp glance from Fili silenced him before he could continue his rant.

“What is so urgent that you would barge in on the tent my brother is still recovering in?” Fili spoke to the dwarf lord once silence had fallen. 

Daín glared, then his eyes fell on Tauriel still by Kili’s side who was clearly struggling to comprehend what was going on having just woken up from the noise. He still needed to rest a lot to give his lungs more time to heal and due to his nature it was a near impossible task only the elf was capable of.

“So it’s true. An elfling! It is unthinkable!”

It was a diversion and one that even Sigrid, though not versed in political tactics could all too easily make out. She had not moved again, trying to shrink away into the background. Thankfully Daín must have mistaken her for a servant because he spared her not a single glance. 

“That may be so, but if not for that elf, the line of Durin would have ended on the battlefield.” It was a rather obvious insult it seemed, for Daín spluttered and turned even redder in the face than his beard but at least Fili had effectively prevented his brother from speaking who’s face had gone from confused to thunderous.

“The line of Durin lives through me as well, laddie and don’t you forget it.” He snarled eventually. 

“I do not forget, Daín Ironfoot,” Fili told him, again sounding much like his uncle, “I do not forget that you only arrived when the dragon was slain and the mountain secured. I do not forget that you refused to follow my uncle on the quest and that for all you pretend that this victory is mainly yours, had your people been with us from the start, it would be Thorin you are talking to right now.” 

“Are ye calling me a coward?” The older dwarf squinted at Fili. The tent had gone utterly silent. 

“I’m stating facts. What conclusion you come to is up to you.” Fili spoke, voice hard but not excessively loud like the older dwarf’s. 

Sigrid almost refused to believe how cold he suddenly was. She had not ever thought he could be anything but warm. A quick glance at Kili showed her that he also seemed stunned by his brother’s bearing, his mouth hanging open as he watched him face down the Lord of the Iron Hills. 

“Now, what do you want, cousin Daín?” Fili asked, having established control over the room again. 

“What is due to me…” -“And what is that?” 

Daín bristled at having been interrupted again. “A share of the treasure.” 

“You’ll get no more than has already been agreed. And that you shall receive once you and your army has left this place.” 

Daín glared and a noticable hush fell over the room because this was a decision they had been debating for the last few days and clearly Fili wanted it done with even if that meant that the protection of Dale and the Mountain would be down to a few hundred men and their small company of twelve. 

“Yer uncle…” -“Was suffering from gold sickness so whatever he promised you, he was not in his right mind to do so.” Only if you looked closely could you see the blonde dwarf twitch with his announcement, jaw tightening as he had to talk about his late uncle in such a way.  
Sigrid knew how much it must pain him. 

“We have already offered you a fair amount in compensation for your troubles. And there are reparations to be made to the people of Laketown. We will help them rebuild and the elves have long been denied what is theirs by my grandfather whose decisions under his own gold-sickness suffered a great deal.” 

“I will not leave unless I get what I came for!” Daín snorted, planting his feet as if to resolve everything with a fight right then and there. 

Fili looked at the older dwarf for a long moment, Sigrid could see how his hands were shaking, the sweat on his forehead, he needed to finish this. It was still straining his injuries too much. 

“What did you come here for, Daín?” He then asked, voice betraying none of the weakness she had just seen. 

Before Daín could answer, and to Sigrid’s shock, he got to his feet, leaning over the desk.  
“I know that you have been trying to acquire the Arkenstone almost as soon as Uncle was returned to the Stone. That you tried to convince those around you to re-open my uncle’s grave to hold it in your hands. Is that what you believe is due to you?” 

“I… Fili, lad,… burying the stone is against all our traditions! It should not rot inside a tomb.” Daín’s voice had changed to one speaking to a stubborn child and it made Sigrid bristle. Meeting Kili’s narrowed gaze, she could tell he felt the same. 

At that Fili halted, deep grief flickering across his features. “Nor should my uncle, but there is no way to bring him back and believe me when I say I would give a thousand Arkenstones for him to walk among us again!” Beside him Balin squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, and the rest of the Company who were present had similar reactions. 

Daín spluttered, "Only the Arkenstone bestows the right to rule!" 

"Thorin was a great leader and King long before we won the Mountain back. He gave his all for his people, gave us a home and made sure we never had to go hungry after the years of wandering. He would never have fallen from grace if not for this stone. I don't believe a stone carrying a curse of greed that affects all of us even Men and Elves should choose our leaders." Fili told him in a far gentler tone. “Cousin Daín, you do not want to suffer the same madness." 

First Daín looked stunned, but then a snarl twisted his lips under the red beard. "You have no right to speak to me like this, boy! You think yerself wise only because you have gone on this little quest of yours? Thorin has spoilt you and your brother for far too long. This is not the end of this. Mark my words!" He stormed out then, an anxious Balin hot on his heels. 

As soon as the King of the Iron Hills had left the tent, Fili's legs gave out under him. His brother immediately called out his name, but Tauriel grasped him before he could attempt to leap out of his bed and hurt himself.

Dwalin and Sigrid rushed forward as one, seeing Fili collapse even before Kili had realised it was happening and if not for the old dwarf warrior he would have hurt himself severely standing as he was between table and chair. 

Scooping him into his arms as if he weighed no more than a babe, the old warrior cradled him to his chest. "I've got you laddie. I've got you." He soothed, carrying him over to the cot they had set up.

Sigrid caught a glimpse of Fili digging his fingers into the thick leather of Dwalin's clothing before he was lowered into the bed again. She feared he might have pulled vital stitches which were still holding his insides together. 

Before she could rush off though it was Dori who rushed for the tent-flap. “I’ll find a healer!” He called over his shoulder. Gloin who had stood beside him simply looked on helplessly before following him quickly. “And I’ll get Oin!” 

“Fili.” From the other end of the tent, Kili was still deeply concerned and only Tauriel’s soothing voice managed to keep him from hurting himself in his effort to get to his older brother’s side.  
“Your brother will be fine. He needs quiet and rest now.” She whispered. “When everyone has left, there will be plenty of time for you two to be alone.”

He turned his gaze to her and the fear there struck her. “It will be alright.” She tried to soothe. 

“Please, please help me up! I need to be with him … I can’t lose him again.” He begged, desperate to know what was going on with his brother. Unbidden he felt the cold of falling snow, could smell the stench of battle and saw unblinking blue eyes staring up into nothing.  
He heaved a breath, wincing at the pain but unable to calm his breathing enough to stop the black spots from dancing in his vision. 

“Ssh…And you shan’t.” Tauriel promised, pressing him gently back to lie down and Kili could do nothing but allow it, eyes flicking to his brother who was being laid down back into his sickbed, frailer than he had ever seen him, expect when he had thought him dead. 

The memory was too much, overwhelming him again and he was grateful when Tauriel’s eyes softened even further and lifted him up into a gentle embrace, never questioning when his shoulders quaked and tears trailed into the fabric of her tunic on her shoulder where his face was hidden from everyone else. 

Dwalin was careful to ease Fili onto his side, piling pillows against his back to support him before covering him with a soft fur blanket with all the care of a father for a son. 

“I…I will come back tomorrow.” Sigrid announced uncomfortably, wanting to escape this quite intimate looking moment. She knew that the dwarf warrior had been Fili's tutor for fighting and had taken on a similar role to his uncle in their lives. 

"No." She was stopped by Fili's tired rasp. Turning, she found him looking at her, eyes a little glassy but determined. "Stay. Please." 

He looked up at Dwalin who seemed to grasp his meaning without words and nodded. He bent down to bump his tattooed head gently against Fili’s. “Anything you need, laddie, just ask. I’ll be right here.” She heard the old dwarf whisper, tucking the blankets and fur around him once again and then left the tent to stand guard outside. 

“Sigrid.” She heard Fili’s voice, though she felt her heart ache at how weak he suddenly sounded again. 

Quickly she went to kneel by the cot, meeting his glassy eyes. He grimaced at a clear twinge of pain and she made a move to check his stitches, when he grasped her wrist gently though with surprising strength. “Don’t worry about that now.” He muttered and she was momentarily caught off-guard by how it almost sounded like an order. 

He must have noticed too because he let go of her wrist and instead gently held her hand. “Sigrid… I- I’ve wanted to…” He cleared his throat and only ended up coughing, his hand leaving hers and fumbling for what must have been a pain in his back before simply pressing against his chest, his face a grimace as he tried to catch a breath. 

She quickly picked up a cup of water and once he had stopped coughing enough, held it to his lips. It was a little awkward and some dribbled down his beard into the sheets beneath him, but it seemed to help and he sighed in what she guessed to be frustration. 

“I’ve overdone it, haven’t I?” He muttered, before meeting her gaze again, the ghost of a self-deprecating smirk on his lips. 

Sigrid let out a breath and placed the cup back on the little stool by the cot. “I would smack you if I wasn’t still worried for your stitches!” She threw back, trying to keep her tone light. 

Fili chuckled a little but then met her gaze with guilty eyes. “I’ve been meaning to speak to you.” 

Sigrid licked her lips and looked away. For a moment there things had almost seemed like before and she had wanted to hold onto that. Instead he had chosen to remind her of the distance that kept growing between them. 

“Sigrid?” Her name again and she hated that the tentative note in his voice had her meet his gaze again. 

“Say what you need to say, Fili.” She forced out. 

He seemed to shrink back minutely and she reflected that she might have been a little harsh. She chose not to remedy that and waited for him to speak instead.

“You heard what I just said to Daín and I have to stand on the side of duty.” He spoke after having cleared his throat. “I… I need to.” 

\- “You’re asking me to leave?” 

He nodded, looking dejected. 

Sigrid got to her feet, opened her mouth, could not think of what to say and so simply took in how he dared not meet her eyes anymore. She had somehow known that this would eventually have to happen but to face it already made her feel numb. 

“I did not mean to cause you pain by staying here, I simply wanted to help.” She eventually managed. “I’m sorry.” 

She turned to go, immensely aware that Kili and Tauriel had been able to follow the whole exchange. She took a step towards the tent-flap, then hesitated, trying to think of the right words. “Fili, I…” She broke off, shook her head and left. 

When she had gone, Fili simply closed his eyes and tried to breathe through the lingering pain until the elf- healer and Oin arrived and went straight to poking and prodding him. 

He never saw Kili exchange a pained look with Tauriel who did not need him to speak, simply nodded, kissed his forehead and followed the young Lady of Dale outside. 

Kili was chewing his lip, eyes never leaving his brother even while the two healers rid him off his tunic and for the first time he could see his big brother’s sewed up back, the stab wound a horrific reminder of the battle and how close he had come to lose him. His own injury throbbed at the reminder. 

Fili just bore the healer’s examination and then docilely drank the sleeping draught Oin fed him, saying that he needed to allow his body rest and that he had seriously endangered himself by not staying in bed as he had been advised. 

It mattered little anymore. He was just relieved when the draught worked and let him drift off into dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finally dug out my old notes and finished this story. I will be uploading the rest of it over the weekend. I feel terrible for having made any readers who remained wait for so long but I was working on some original writing and kept telling myself I'd get back to this ugh!  
> On a side-note, I have finally watched the EE of BOTFA... well not till the end but I don't think I'll ever bring myself to watch the whole ending...


	10. Chapter 10

He had set himself back for what may very well be weeks. It was frustrating and though Fíli tended to have less of the fiery Durin temper, he was growing more and more irritable. A fair amount of it was also probably due to the distance that kept growing between Sigrid and himself. 

She no longer came by to bring him food, instead it was Dwalin who shoved a tray in his lap and would force him to eat it. It did not make things easier that he felt sick at the smell of the thin stew and could never stomach much of it. 

The elf-healer had assured him that the fever that had returned was once again down to him overtaxing himself and that had prompted his uncle’s old sword-brother to confine him to his bed like the stubborn dwarfling he had once been, glaring at him every time he made to protest. 

This by proxy meant that Balin had taken over all the actual work again while he was reduced to sign letters which he could not even write himself but had to dictate either to the old advisor or Ori who had become so twitchy, he had wasted three ink-pots already by spilling them. 

He guessed it was partly his fault since he was losing his patience too quickly and decided to make a point of speaking to the young scribe in private if ever he would be allowed. With so many caretakers, chances were rather slim though.

At least he had managed to compose a letter to Bilbo with his help. Everyone had forgotten about the poor hobbit what with all that was going on and to his shame, Fíli only thought to ask when he was long gone already. He would send an envoy to the Shire to bring him his part of the treasure. 

They would make sure it would contain some reminder of Thorin too, his uncle would have wanted the hobbit to have something of his. Perhaps the map and the key that had brought them here. Bilbo surely would appreciate something personal like that more than gold, considering his hobbit sensibilities. 

That their burglar had left the day after the battle with Gandalf was something Fíli and Kíli both felt sorry for. He should have been offered a home with them at least, even if he might not have wanted to stay in a mountain that would forever remind him of their lost king; the hardships and perils they had gone through. At least the offer should have been made. They were in his debt after all. 

The raven had left with a long letter and chances were the bird would make it to the Shire long before Bilbo did. Hopefully he would be pleased to find the official apology about the business with his banishment and more personal notes from the brothers when he got home. 

The good news was that for now, the elven army was still camped out in the valley alongside them. Daín on the other hand was getting ready to move which on the one hand was a relief but on the other made him worry about the safety of Erebor but more than that the safety of the human refugees in Dale. That Sigrid and her siblings were there, only made him more desperate for a solution. 

They had sent ravens to Ered Luin, but their people would need months to make their way to them. Though if he knew his mother, she may very well have jumped on a pony as soon as she received the message. 

Of course things would be easier if he had the Arkenstone. He would only need to raise it up for all to see and Daín’s army would be his to command and damn his cousin. Fíli shuddered at the thought. No, even if the stone had not accompanied his uncle to the grave, he would not want to touch the blasted thing. 

“Fíli?” The quiet voice drew him out of his thoughts. He turned his head to find that Kíli was alone, he had not noticed the elf leave. Perhaps she had gone to find some more of that horrible tea she insisted the two of them drink.

It pained him to see his brother look at him out of eyes that seemed centuries older than before their quest. Did he also look so different? 

“You’re alright, yes?” Kíli prompted when he got no response and turned onto his side with a groan, though the laboured wheezing that had become his breath these days eased as the healing lung was elevated. He looked like he wanted to reach for him, if the distance had not been too far. 

“I’m tired, Kee.” Fíli found himself admitting, though he could not return his gaze and just stared at the ceiling as he did. 

“But you won’t leave me, will you?” It was a barely discernible mumble and sounded much more like when Kíli had been a child, scared of shadows and did not truly fit the heaviness his little brother’s gaze held these days. 

“Why would you say that?” Fíli made himself look at his brother, however painful it was to see the evidence of what they had been through reflected back at him like this. 

Kíli hesitated, then sat up properly with a bit back groan and slid his feet to the ground. 

“Wait! What are you doing?!” Fíli would have sat up himself had he had the energy. 

“I can’t talk to you like this!” Kíli grit out and though sweat was starting to break out on his brow and he was visibly struggling to breathe, he slowly made his way over to his brother’s cot. 

With a deep sigh that ended in a cough, he plopped himself down on the bench next to the bed and rested his elbows on his knees until it passed. 

Then he shook his head and Fíli realised he was chuckling. “Look at us!” He gasped and though his breathing was clearly getting worse from it, he did not stop laughing for some time until Fíli could not help and give a small snort of a laugh himself. 

When his brother looked up this time, there was some of the old Kíli there in his eyes, just a glimpse of the old gleam. 

Just as quick it was gone. “I’m worried about you.” He told him seriously and Fíli could not help but feel guilty. “You’re turning into uncle and it does not suit you.” He had put his hand on his shoulder when he looked away as if that would keep him from avoiding his eyes. 

“I’m doing…what I have to, Kíli, what I was trained to do.” He whispered, still not looking at him. 

Kíli made a frustrated noise and the fingers around his shoulder tightened. “I don’t like it.” He managed eventually, though from his tone it was not enough to express how he felt. “Fee, it’s… I’m scared for you…” 

This had him turn his head enough to frown at his younger brother. He wanted to ask why, but the pain in the expressive brown eyes was all too apparent.   
“I fear it might kill you, Fee.” Kíli told him and if not for the utter sincerity with which he said this, Fíli may have been able to shrug it off as ridiculous. 

He tried to speak, to deny it, but after having faced Daín, others might have counted that a victory but it did not feel like one, not when he had sent Sigrid away afterwards. He had not wanted to, it was the last thing he rightly should have done, but she needed to know and in a way so did he that they needed to let go of each other.   
Perhaps it was simply the natural way of things anyway, maybe they had only been thrown together in this chaos and in truth they may never actually have gotten so close. Yes, perhaps that was what he could keep telling himself…

“Fíli!” His brother’s desperate voice had him flinch and he wondered if he had drifted off. Kíli’s concerned expression would certainly suggest it. 

When their eyes met, Kíli’s suddenly became teary. “I won’t let you do this to yourself, brother.” He whispered, “I saw Thorin at the end before he came back to us and do you know why he became this way?”   
Fíli wanted to speak but really, he did not know what to say and he just wanted to sleep. He did not think he could wait for the healer to come and check his injuries, he wanted to sleep this very moment. 

“Because he refused to let go!” Kíli spat, “Because he loved his family but it turned into grief that he clung to. That’s why he was so quick to go on a quest for Erebor and that is why he fell to the sickness like he did.” 

“I didn’t.” Fíli managed to note vaguely, but his brother shook his head.   
“You didn’t because you always cared for others more than for yourself. You didn’t because you did not lose yourself to the grief of losing most of your family. So don’t do it now!” Kíli bent down, resting their forehead’s together and Fíli felt the tears.   
“You love your family, you’d die for those you care about and this is what makes you my brother whom I love!” He still did not understand why his brother was so desperate, so frightened. 

“What about Daín? If what you say is true, why did he fall to the sickness?” He whispered. 

Kíli shrugged a little helplessly, wiping at his nose. “I don’t know him well enough to say. I… Fíli I only care for your well-being and sanity.” 

“The Arkenstone is buried with uncle and that’s where it will stay. Daín will go home and that will hopefully be enough to cure him.” Fíli tried to assure him, but his brother only frowned. 

“And what about you?” He asked, “Will you run yourself into the ground trying to follow in uncle’s footsteps? Will I have to live with the shell of my brother who only carries on living for the kingdom? We never truly believed this would happen and even in our dreams, uncle was crowned king, not you!” 

“Thank you for the vote of confidence.” Fíli quipped, though there was little humour in it. 

“I want my brother. Not a stone-cold king.” Kíli begged, fingers tightening around the fabric covering his shoulder. 

Fíli did not know what to say, but was saved from responding by the arrival of Dwalin and Balin. 

“What are you doing out of bed, lad?!” the old warrior barked and despite vehement protests, led Kíli back to his own cot.

“Any news from Nori?” Fíli asked at their worried faces. 

“Yes, he’s just returned.” Balin hesitated. “There are good news and bad news. He found the orcs and they are gathering. Not enough to be a threat with the elves and Daín still here and not enough to breach the mountain.” 

“But enough to threaten Dale?” Fíli asked though he knew the answer. “We need to make sure Thranduil informs us before he returns to his forest and extend an offer to Bard for his people to shelter in the mountain if it comes to it.” 

“You want to let them into…?” Dwalin broke off at the look he received from his former student. 

“I will not watch any more innocents be slaughtered in front of our gates when Erebor’s walls could protect them.” Fíli turned to look at Balin who nodded and left the tent, presumably to find Bard. 

None had paid attention to Kíli who had been watching everything with a worried expression. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-betaed as usual but I hope I went over old chapters enough to pick up any typos or anything else I missed. Forgive me if I haven't. (Just realised that I've gotten the Fili vs Fíli wrong in the last two which I posted at 2 in the morning half awake... I will go back and fix that eventually!)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The camps are being broken down. Kíli tries to fix things his way and the company contemplates their situation.

Sigrid had spent the next two days with her siblings, sitting by the fire and watched the flames. She had always imagined that the moment she realised she loved someone, would be the most joyful moment of her life. 

Yet, Fíli and her both knew that it could not be and it hurt more than she could have imagined. Up until then, she had not allowed herself to think about their relationship or what else one might call it. She had simply thought one moment at a time, had preoccupied herself with caring for him and anyone else who needed it. 

Did she love him? She had nearly told him so, but was this what love felt like? Was it simply the chaos that had become their lives that had brought them so close? Were they both only in need of something to hold on to and so fancied themselves in love with each other?

She knew her father thought so, he had questioned her when she had come out of the tent, looking pale and wan. He had told her to think on this ‘closeness’ as he called it and to consider how it came about. She had turned from him then, for the first time in her life, feeling a little resentful for the suggestion but the more she thought about it, the more she understood what he meant. 

It did not change how she felt and the pain the situation caused her though. Tauriel had tried to speak to her but had soon understood that she had rather been alone. 

Still, the elf checked on her whenever she had a moment, both of them trying to help the refugees of Laketown as much as they could. 

“Miss Sigrid!” A voice shook her from her musings. 

“Master Kíli! I did not imagine to see you on your feet so soon!” 

“Us dwarves are hardy folk, even if my Lady of Starlight here does not believe me.” He shot a look at Tauriel by his side who’s expression betrayed nothing. 

“I need to speak to you.” He then said, limping forward. 

Sigrid shot up when he stumbled a little and gestured to the tree stump she had been perched on. “In that case at least have a seat, Master Dwarf, it shall not be said that the people of Dale would show disrespect to a dwarven prince.” She teased. 

Kíli shot her a quick grin. “Never.” 

He settled down with a wince, Tauriel hovering by his side, watching like a hawk. 

“My brother…” He began, then paused. “was raised to be my uncle’s heir from the moment he was born. It was not until recently that I have come to realise how much he has been protecting me from the pressure he has been living with all our lives…” 

He frowned but Sigrid, though puzzled, did not dare question what he was trying to tell her. 

“I… I have never known a time not by my brother’s side. We are very few years apart, you see and have always trained together, fought together,…” He trailed off, meeting her eyes. 

“He’s pulling away from me more and more but he cannot hide from me that he is miserable and…well, I believe part of it has to do with - uhm…” He gave a strange little nod and then almost violently shook his head. 

“I am no good at this sort of thing, forgive me, Miss Sigrid.” He tried to give her a self-deprecating grin, but it did not hide the worry in his dark eyes. “Fíli is suffering and I believe that he deeply regrets what he has said to you, whatever it is.”

Sigrid could not help it, she reached out her hand to take his rough broad palm in hers and smiled sadly at the effort he had made. “Master Kíli, you are a good soul for coming to apologise for your brother, but there is nothing that needs to be forgiven.” 

He looked confused and she marvelled how he had managed to keep so much of his innocence despite all they had been through. Her thoughts went to Fíli and secretly wished she might be able to do the same for her siblings. 

Feeling incredibly old, though the dwarf in front of her was much older than herself, she squeezed his hand. “I told your brother that our people come first, that I understand that and that we both need to look to what is best for them.” 

“But…” Kíli tried, but Sigrid shook her head, hating that she would have to be the one to tell him this but at the same time she was glad that he would not have to find out from his brother. “He does not want to besmirch my honour, there was talk and hopefully this is enough to put a stop to it.” 

“Your honour…but surely if you care for each other…” Kíli’s eyes went to Tauriel who looked utterly pained and met Sigrid’s gaze, understanding at least in her eyes. 

Sigrid took a deep breath. 

“Master Kíli, he is also doing this for you.” She said, ducking her head and not willing to look at him. “Even if something were to come of this… this thing we shared,… better for it to end now before…You see, your line needs heirs now, does it not? Dwarvish heirs?” She felt preposterous even saying such things, it had not been something she had considered up before her life had been turned upside down. 

Kíli’s hand suddenly grasped hers tightly. “I’m so sorry. I just wanted to…” He growled in frustration and grabbed her other hand, forcing her to look up. “I need to know one thing, Miss Sigrid.” 

She swallowed, pity for the helplessness in his eyes making her nod. 

“Do you love my brother?” He asked, holding her gaze seriously. 

Sigrid felt herself freeze on the inside, barely registering Tauriel speaking his name warningly but Kíli ignored it, studying her intently. 

She wanted to speak, but instead found a sob break free from her throat and then it was like a bowstring had snapped inside of her, she dissolved into tears. 

Solid arms suddenly wrapped around her and she found herself pulled into Kíli’s broad chest while he muttered apology after apology, shushing her and rubbing her back. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’ll be alright, Miss Sigrid… we can fix this. I know we can, I promise. I didn’t want this!” He was audibly upset himself. 

She did not see it when Tauriel crouched beside them, her hand squeezing his shoulder and resting her chin on his dark mop of hair. 

***

Bard had a pinched look on his face when he entered the tent. He watched Ori and Dori for a moment as they argued over how to fold cloths into a trunk in the corner. That and Fíli’s bed were the last things yet to be readied for the move into the mountain. 

“I have just heard from the King Thranduil that he and the dwarven army are to be leaving.” He addressed Fíli who by now was used to the direct ways of the former bargeman. He was perched on the cot, in the middle of gathering the courage to try standing but unwilling to embarrass himself in front of the man. 

“Yes, what is your decision in regard to my offer?” He asked, praying silently that the Men of Dale had not elected to stay within breached and broken walls. 

Bard studied him for a moment. “I have been able to convince the healers that the injured and sick would be better off inside the mountain but a fair number of my people are reluctant to enter the dragon’s lair. They fear the curse more than the risk of an orc attack.”

“It’s not just a risk, our scouts have brought intelligence that the orcs are readying themselves. Their spies must have noticed the armies breaking down the camps.” Fíli shot back. 

“What would you have me do, Master Dwarf? Shall I order them to do as I say? I am not the Master!” 

“If they knew the risk…” 

“They know, they still don’t want to be at the mercy of those who caused their misery in the first place.” Bard snapped. 

There was a tense silence. 

“I am not my uncle.” Fíli quietly spoke. 

“No, but as of yet, the people have seen neither hide nor hair of you.” He raised his hands to stop the dwarf from protesting. “I know you have been healing but they refuse to trust the dwarves because of what happened after your company came to Laketown and now all they have seen is Dain’s behavior.” 

“They will die.” Fíli muttered, more to himself but Bard heard him well enough. 

“I will speak to them again. Certainly I would ask that my youngest daughter be allowed in the mountain no matter what happens so at least she is safe.” He said. “The dwarf with the hat seems to be her favourite.” He added. 

Fíli half-smiled. “Bofur. No one can resist his charms. She will be well taken care of.” 

“Good.” Bard kept staring at him and Fíli found himself shifting uncomfortably. “Sigrid will refuse to come until the last of our people are brought to safety and Bain will only come once I’m inside, I’d wager.”

Fíli was not sure what to say. 

“I have ears, Master Dwarf. I have heard rumours. I trust my daughter but I will ask you this anyway: Do you think she would go with Tilda if you spoke to her?” The Bowman asked. 

Fíli felt himself grow red under his beard. “I do not think anybody is capable of telling your daughter what to do when she has set her mind to something.” 

Bard’s lips twitched into a smile. “No, you’re probably right. Still, if I knew them all safe,…” He trailed off. 

Fíli nodded. “If Dale only evacuates once the orcs are attacking, many will die who could have been saved.” He noted, hesitating for a moment whether to share the next bit of information. 

“My mother is leading a caravan of my people and they will arrive within a week. Most are fit and able to bear arms and should be plenty to take care of those scavengers but until then, we need to keep our people alive.” 

Bard raised an eyebrow, crediting the fact that no distinction had been made between men and dwarves. “I will see what I can do.” 

***

Dwalin had been standing on a rise, watching the dwarven army make their way through the valley with not a single glance back for those of their comrades who had elected to stay behind. 

It was not many granted, but most had had family ties to Erebor before and would serve Fíli loyally as they would have Thorin.

Dwalin could not help but feel sour at that. The Lords might have forgotten the fealty they owed the Line of Durin but the common people had not. Had Thorin gone covertly or sent word to those survivors of Smaug's attack who had found shelter with the other dwarven kingdoms, he doubted they would have set out in their small company. 

Perhaps that had been their folly. They had let that blasted wizard rush them into this endeavour. It had not been thought through, not anymore than the doomed attempt of taking back Moria. 

He turned away from the sight, having a mind to let his anger out on the improvised sparring grounds they had designated. 

When he arrived, the old warrior was stunned to find Ori there, wielding the large war-hammer he had found in the treasure hoard. He was not half-bad, but that did not mean he was good. 

“What are you doing, lad?” He asked, making the young scribe flinch. 

Ori glanced at him from under his bangs. “I- well… I’m practicing. I want to be able to do my part… not rely on my brothers to keep me alive next time some orcs decide to… well, you know.” He told him though clearly embarrassed. 

Dwalin stared at him for a moment, gauging his seriousness. 

Ori fidgeted. 

“Alright then, but what you don’t wanna do is leave so many openings. A hammer might not be a sword but there’s a few tricks you ought to be aware of.” Dwalin reached for the weapon and weighed it in his hands when the young dwarf handed it to him. 

It was a beautifully weighted weapon, the balance perfect for the wielder to build the right kind of momentum with little actual raw strength. It was probably why Ori had chosen it. The lad had clearly been paying attention on the road. 

“Good.” Dwalin gave it a few test-swings. “The main-thing is that the hammer itself is not the only part of this beauty. You want to be aware of the butt and the length of the handle too. It’ll save your life more than the business end if you learn how to use it properly.”   
He started to put the scribe through his paces continuing the lesson until sunset. 

Neither of them noticed Balin watching them from a little ways away with a hidden smile. At least his brother had found a new cause in life. That was a start. 

All that was left to do was to sort everything else out. His smile fell. He loathed what they had pushed on Fíli but it would be betrayal to his uncle to relinquish the mountain to anybody else. The line of Durin alone had the right to rule and he would refuse to live in any other realm. 

He was only glad Daín had left. He had no interest in ever dealing with him again.


	12. Chapter 12

Dwalin had to help him into the saddle. It had Fíli’s face burn with shame but his injuries burnt simply from raising his arms a little, pulling himself up onto the pony alone was out of the question. 

Kíli had been perfectly content to sit in front of Tauriel on her steed as they made for the mountain’s entrance just ahead. Gloin and the others had been tirelessly working on re-enforcing the broken gates so that once all willing refugees had entered, they would be able to shut them to all who wished them harm. 

They were confident even Trolls would have a hard time breaching it and this time, according to Nori, the chances of those appearing were slim enough. 

“A few Iron Hills soldiers have elected to stay with us.” The bald warrior informed him. 

“How many?” 

“No more than fifty but it is better than nothing.” Balin noted beside him as they two of them looked up from where they remained on the ground. 

“Have the Men of Dale been taken care of?” 

\- “ The few who chose to go along with the wounded and healers, yes. They are staying in the Grand hall for now and it has plenty of room for all of them.” 

It was left unspoken that less than half of Laketown’s survivors had made their way into the mountain at this point. What also remained unspoken was the doubts the older dwarves had about his decisions. First he had given away the gems of Lasgalen and now he was allowing Men into their halls. 

Fíli had no illusions. Mostly it was loyalty to his uncle and his line that stopped them from arguing. They saw him as their rightful king and dwarves were unchangeable in those things once they had made up their mind.

Balin was looking at him with an unreadable expression. “Nori’s last report indicates the orcs will take another day or two to get here. Like as not, they will then wait for nightfall before they attack.” 

“He’s taken another look and - ” Dwalin tried to say but was interrupted by frantic shouts from behind them. 

“Fíli! Dwalin!” Ori was racing towards them from the remains of the camp. With Daín army gone the area once again resembled Smaug’s desolation. 

The young scribe was so out of breath by the time he caught up with them, he was clutching at his woollen collar, pulling it away from his neck. 

“They… Nori found them… they are…” He bent over, trying to breathe slowly. “They are on the other side of Dale already and it’s not an ordinary orc-pack….it’s warg-riders.” He managed. 

Fíli felt cold. “Has Bard been warned?” 

Ori nodded vehemently. “Nori has gone himself.” 

Balin and Dwalin shared a look. “They will not be fast enough. Bard has called an assembly to change people’s minds. We were not expecting them to be here so quickly.” Balin spoke what all of them had been thinking. 

“Those wargs are hungry, they will be on them like wolves on sheep.” Dwalin grasped for his weapons, readying himself. “I will gather the few soldiers we have and see if we can’t…”

He had to jump to the side to avoid being trampled by Fíli’s pony galloping towards the ruined city. 

“Fíli! You stubborn blockhead, stop!” He shouted after him once he had recovered from the shock. 

“He’ll be trying to save that lass of his.” Balin noted, the sword he had taken to carrying around in his belt at the ready. 

“He’ll get himself killed, is what he’ll do. Come on!” Dwalin raced towards the city, following the trail of dust Fíli had left in his wake. 

When Balin followed, Ori found himself alone, still not quite recovered from his long sprint. With a heavy sigh, he pulled the war-hammer he had claimed as his from his back and made after the two old warriors. None should be able to say he shied away from a fight after this was over and done with. 

***

 

If Fíli had allowed himself the time to think about this, he would have probably accepted that what he was doing was stupid. He only had the one small knife Kíli had found for him, knowing that he felt naked without even just one blade. 

He was sure his brother had not meant for it to turn out to be his only weapon as he spurred his pony towards Dale. He put the thought to the very back of his mind along with the returning pain as his injuries were jarred. It did not matter, he just had to get to Dale and make sure Sigrid and her family would get to safety. 

There were screams in the air and his blood ran cold as he entered the crumbling city walls. His pony reared up at the howls that easily drowned out the screaming. Wincing he calmed the animal who though startled, moved forward willingly after some reassurance. 

“Sigrid!” He called, grabbing a spear that must have been abandoned after the battle as he rode by and gritting his teeth against the stretch it caused in his chest and back. 

He made to push his ride further into the city, knowing that the raiding orcs would have come from the other side. “Sigrid!” 

A few men and women dashed past him, not even sparing him a glance as they fled in panic, children screaming as they were carried away, to whatever sense of safety they might find. 

“Fíli!” The voice gave him pause and he stopped their progress through the ruined city. 

A horse galloped up the path behind him, stopping just short of his pony. 

“Did you really think I’d let you go alone, brother?” Kill called while Tauriel rolled her eyes behind him. 

Fíli could not help the smile that crept on his face. “Kíli.” 

His brother shot him a grin and winked. “Now how about we find that girl of yours?” 

They spurred their steeds further into the city, Tauriel with her bow at the ready, Kíli a dagger in hand. 

Fíli’s hand clenched around the spear he still held when there was a ruckus around the corner, screams and barking. 

Before they could investigate though, Sigrid and Tilda did indeed burst onto the street, followed by two wargriders though one collapsed right there and then struck in the skull by an arrow, Sigrid wielding a bow with all the ease of a Bowman’s daughter.   
Fíli had reflexively gotten ready to throw the spear at the other one but to his burning shame found that he almost dropped it instead, pain stabbing through him. 

Instead Tauriel’s arrow took care of it. She had already dismounted her horse, steadying Kíli and reaching out for Tilda. “Come!” 

In one swift motion, the girl was sat behind Kíli. “I will go help fight them off. Get to the mountain gates!” She told them. 

Fíli was still uselessly clinging on to the spear but found himself speechless at the sight Sigrid made as she watched the elf take care of her sister, new arrow already notched on her bow, aimed at the street, the other enemies had appeared from. 

He dropped the useless weapon and the noise of it clattering to the cobble stone finally caught her attention. Their eyes met though her pinched focus did not falter. 

“Sigrid.” He finally managed hoarsely and held out a hand to her. That she hesitated pained him more than the loathsome injury that still troubled him. 

After a moment she nodded though she did not take his hand but swung herself onto the pony behind him by herself. Probably better anyway, since he could not truthfully have helped her up. 

Not pausing to question things, he and Kíli turned their mounts back around, racing past Dwalin and the dwarf-warriors he had brought and back for Erebor’s safe gates. This was one fight they would not be a part of.

***


	13. Doubts

When they arrived in the halls, Fíli’s pony and Tauriel’s horse both were drenched in sweat and Sigrid dismounted quickly, helping Tilda down as well to relieve the poor animals of some weight at least. 

Fíli was holding onto the saddle-horn to stay upright, unable to hide that he had also over-exerted himself, again. He watched Kíli with some jealousy when he managed to swing down from the high perch on his mount with only minimal help from Dori and Gloin who had come running from the battlements. 

While he was busy trying to calm his breathing, slumping further over the neck of his poor pony whose flanks were heaving in air much like he was, Sigrid appeared before him, watching him with worry while patting the animal to comfort it. 

“Can you climb down?” She whispered so only he would hear. 

For a moment, he grit his teeth but could not hold her gaze. A minute shake of his head must have been enough for her because she took the reigns from his lax grip. 

“Let’s get you out of their sight?” She suggested gently and only then did Fíli remember that the halls were filled with refugees and those Iron Hill dwarves who intended to swear allegiance to him as Thorin’s heir. It would not do for them to see him fall off his mount and be carried off. 

“The corridor to the left leads to the royal quarters.” He rasped just as quietly. 

She nodded and led the shaking pony along. Fíli only hoped the poor animal would be able to recover from this. He would have to talk to Dori to see that it was properly taken care of. 

When they turned a corner, she looked back at him. “Will you be able to ride all the way there?” 

At his nod, she continued on their way, the silence heavy between them, only the clip clop of hooves echoing in the corridor. At least it was no longer dark and musty now that the torches had all been lit and the light-mirrors repositioned. 

It did not take long for Dori to catch up with them, bustling to a door to their left. “In here, in here. Let me.” He opened it, doorframe almost as tall as the ceiling. “Come on your Highness, down you come.” 

Somehow Fíli managed to roll his eyes in Sigrid’s direction and the wan smile she gifted him with in return was almost enough to let him forget that Dori had to help him out the saddle like a child and then take most of his weight when his legs buckled under him. 

The old mother-hen half-carried him into the room and he let him though he almost recoiled when he recognised it. Thorin had slept here before the battle, these had been Thror’s quarters. He did not want to be here. He did not want to stay. 

There was no helping it though. Dori gingerly deposited him on the large bed, new sheets and furs covering it, the whole place having been cleaned meticulously. It was not enough. 

“Dori.” He breathed when the old dwarf bent down, taking off his boots for him. “Would you ready another set of rooms? I- I think mother would like to stay in these ones here once she arrives.” There, that should do the trick without insulting all the work that had gone into the preparations. 

“Oh my, of course, Fíli, you’re right. Good lad.” Dori patted his knee before turning around when Sigrid cleared her throat where she hovered in the doorway. 

“Master Dori, would you mind taking the pony to your stables, I believe it will need to be rubbed down too.” 

“Oh dear, you are right, Lady Sigrid. Would you mind keeping an eye on our boy here though? He was meant to be on bedrest still, you know.” 

She graced him with a smile. “Of course, I don’t intend for him to ruin all the good work we’ve all put into his recovery.” 

When Dori left the room, Fíli let out a shuddering breath. He tried to focus on the floor in front of him for fear of seeing his uncle’s gold-mad ghost by the fire-place across from the kingly bed he was perched on. His temple rested against one of the intricately carved posters. Everything inside of him cried out against being here. It was not meant to be him, not like this. 

Sigrid meanwhile, closed the door but hesitated on what to do next. 

“I never wanted it, you know." Fíli's voice made her turn around. He looked to her like all remaining strength had been sucked out of him.

"What?" Sigrid asked and sat by his side. "What didn't you want?" 

She took his hand when he still would not meet her eyes, but stared off into space. 

"I never wanted the throne." He said then. "I had hoped that if me and Kíli would just be there to protect Thorin...if we could just protect our uncle from harm, we would be spared the burden of being... well..." He finally looked at her but the smile he gave her was empty. 

"I saw what it did to my uncle and he was only the leader of our small settlement. Since I had been a child I had watched what it cost him. He was never giving himself the time to be happy, to perhaps find a family of his own, just tirelessly worked so that his people were taken care of as much as was possible in exile." He swallowed hard.  
"I didn't want to be like that. Perhaps that makes me selfish, I don't know and honestly, never cared but I refused to accept the idea that one day I would have to take on that role. I wanted... want a life of my own, not dictated by what is the best for my people and having the responsibility for so many lives."

Sigrid looked at him silently for a moment. "Surely,... his subjects would not begrudge a king some happiness for himself?" 

He looked at her sadly, then shook his head. "A good king may be able to keep a few short moments for himself and make a decision for himself just sometimes but my uncle was no good king." Tears stung his eyes and when he looked around the room they only became harder to fight. 

"He was a great king and great kings protect their people's happiness with all they are, bring them prosperity and leave none for themselves. They live and die for their subjects and to do so is all they might ever wish for, if they truly are to be great kings." His voice broke and the tears fell. 

"I never wanted that... I wanted to explore the world with my brother. Be the protectors of the realm like we dreamt of as children and come home to tell our little cousins of the adventures we had. I'd hoped that if we reclaimed Erebor, Thorin might finally produce other heirs. I knew it was a vague hope, but at least if uncle had lived, I might have had some more time before I had to take on the burden he now left me with." He reached out like a child, wordlessly pulling her closer and Sigrid wrapped him into a hug, relishing the closeness as much as she could even if it was not to last. 

"I'm angry with him." He muttered into her neck, burying his face, perhaps ashamed of the tears. "I am angry he left us and is not here to take care of this mess, I am angry he is not here to deal with Daín about the inheritance and I’m angry that he fell to the sickness. I wish I never had to learn to doubt him and I wish he was not dead!" 

Sigrid, felt herself begin to tear up as he started to sob while still speaking. "I... I need him Sigrid. I want uncle... I can't do this.” 

Shushing him, she tangled her fingers through his hair. “I know, I understand. You don’t have to explain. Not to me.” 

Huddled like this, neither of them would later be able to tell how much time had passed. 

Eventually Fíli sagged even more against her and Sigrid wondered if he was drifting off. Very carefully, she reached back to pull back the fur-coverings, blushing furiously when she realised the position they were in. 

“Try to get some sleep, love.” She told him, impulsively pressing a kiss to the top of his head, decidedly ignoring the fact that they had both slipped back into this; whatever this was; far too easily. 

Alarmingly obedient, Fíli let her slip off his coat which he was still wearing and lay down, allowing her to tuck him in without so much as a hint of discomfort or even acknowledging the intimacy that made her own face burn. 

When she shifted though, not even truly getting to her feet yet, his hand shot out to wrap around her wrist. “Stay?” 

“I shouldn’t.” She covered his hand with her free one and tried for a smile. 

“Lodestone and iron…” Fíli mumbled, pulling their entwined hands up to place a scratchy kiss on hers. “We’re like lodestone and iron, aren’t we?” 

Sigrid wanted to ask him what he meant but he looked half-asleep and so very worn. 

“I’ll stay.” She promised, squeezing his hand. “Sleep.” 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone getting the 'lodestone and iron' bit? I was not sure whether to add it into this note but I'll probably explain it in the next chapter.
> 
> This chapter was very hard to write and perhaps some readers think it OOC for Fili to have these doubts and wish not to be his uncle's heir.  
> Aside from Fili just hurting and angsting very prettily *insert evil handrubbing*,  
> I would happily rant about my personal headcanon concerning all this but mostly it comes down to my personal view that good leaders tend to feel like their job is more of a burden than anything else and that Fili is still very very young for a dwarf with very little experience in actually being a prince. If anyone wants the whole HUGE headcanon I have, let me know but... yea?


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I had meant to finish this earlier but then journey planning took over and I remembered it today only because I actually visited Hobbiton this afternoon...which was one of the most amazing days of my life and I'm not exagerating!!! It's a true fairytale place!

“I do not care for refreshments, I want to see my sons!” Fíli shot awake at the familiar voice, finding himself still in the King’s bedchamber but alone. Sigrid must have left. How long had he been asleep? 

Just then the large doors swung open and an irate dark-haired dwarrowdam swept into the room, travelling coat and sword buckled to her belt and all, her glare searching until it landed on Fíli and instantly softened. 

“Amad…” He started only for her eyes to tear up and he halted, flushing. 

“My little lion! What have they done to you?” She rushed at him, pulling him into her arms with all the gentleness of a mother. She was still dressed for travel so he found himself almost choked by her fur coat. 

“Ma.” He mumbled in protest but then the scent of her suddenly reminded him of all that had happened and that it had been almost a year since he had seen her. 

“Oh my boy! I knew I should never have let the two of you go! I should have knocked your heads together, locked you up and accompanied that stubborn idiot of a brother myself then he…” She broke off and her grip around him tightened to the point that he could not hide a tiny groan when it irritated his injuries. 

Quickly she lowered him back down though he was not even ashamed to admit that he clung to her a little himself when she tried to sit back. He had missed her and it was a balm to have her wrap her arms around him. 

It was only then that he noticed that Dwalin stood in the doorway, looking rather uncomfortable. “Lady Dís.” He spoke up tentatively and few would believe how much his usually rough demeanour changed around her. 

“Master Dwalin, has your impossible brother informed you of my arrival then?” She straightened up and Fíli could not have said what it was that passed between them but suddenly Dwalin lurched forward, kneeling at her feet. 

“Forgive me, princess. I failed your line.” He spoke, voice breaking. 

“You did not fail, Dwalin.” She got to her feet, and placed her hands on both of his broad shoulders. “I know battle, and Mahal knows I know loss. But my sons are both alive and I had little hope to see any of you again.” 

Releasing the warrior, she sighed. “And the blasted wizard has disappeared already. If not for him, Thorin would never have gone on this cursed quest.” 

She gave him a very pained smile. “We shall speak more later but now I would ask you to bring my other son to me so that I may spend some time with what is left of my family.” 

When they had been left alone once more, she turned back to Fíli who tried and failed to smile at her. He knew she could see right through him. 

“Will you tell me why I received a raven warning me of Dain’s advisors and then once I get here though I know his army was here, there is no sign of it?” She gently asked. 

He looked away, all the weariness he had felt ever since waking from the battle flooding back. 

“Amad,… the gold…u-uncle, he… and now Dain is…” He was not sure if it was his mother’s presence or if he had just utterly reached the end of his rope because he could not even form a normal sentence anymore. Either way, suddenly her arms were around him again and he had truly thought he had been done with the tears. His ears burned with shame. 

“Hush, my lion. I know, I’ve seen it before. It’s a terrible thing. All will be well. I’ll take care of it.” Dís gently rocked them both but Fíli could feel her own pain and clutched at her travelling coat with desperate fingers. 

“I tried, amad. Me and Kíli both, but- and I… I can’t” He hated the sound of his voice like this, but his mother simply stroked the back of his head. 

“You’re not alone anymore. I’m here with the both of you.” A kiss to the top of his head. “It’s what mothers are made for, darling.” 

It only managed to break him all the more. What would his uncle think? Here he was clinging to his mother when he should be ruling the kingdom Thorin had died to win back. “I just… I’m just so tired.” He whispered and it was true, he had only just woken up and all he wanted was to go back to sleep. 

“Then sleep, Fíli. I am here. We’ll make things right, don’t worry.” Dís coaxed, fussing with the bedding and pushing him back down. “Sleep now.” 

And then she started to sing. It was an old lullaby she used to sing to him and Kíli when thunderstorms had chased them into her bedchamber, too scared to stay in theirs. 

***

Kíli entered the room, with Dwalin hovering next to him every step of the way but on his own two feet. 

His mother turned from her perch on the bedside where she had been stroking Fíli’s hair. His brother for once looked peacefully asleep. 

He grinned at her smile and limped over a little quicker, almost stumbling in his haste. “Amad!” 

She placed a finger to her lips, a gentle reminder to let his poor brother rest and opened her arms to him. 

“My baby!“ She whispered into his hair as soon as he threw himself into her welcome hug. “Oh, you look like you haven’t been eating at all!” She pushed him away a little to take a better look at him and he let her because she was finally here. “Has your beard finally come in?” She tweaked the short hair on his chin and usually he would have hated it but it was furthest from his mind at the moment. 

“Amad! We missed you so much!” He instead pressed a kiss to both her cheeks, noting that she had foregone her usual beads in her beard for the journey. 

When he did not speak again for a moment, instead fidgeting where he sat, she frowned. “I expected you at least would immediately tell me everything that has happened.” 

Kíli could not bear the sad look in her eyes but also for once did not have any words at the ready. 

“We shouldn’t have come here, amad….” He eventually managed, lowering his head, ashamed to have given voice to it. “We should have stayed in Ered Luin and let the damn dragon keep his worthless treasure.” 

Having started, he could not find it in himself to stop, apparently not even at the shock in her eyes. “The mountain needs decades of work, our people wished for a home, not a ruin. And uncle…and now Fíli…” 

Dís sighed then. “I don’t remember the both of you ever struggling to speak so much.” She muttered before cupping his cheek, drawing in a deep breath as if to find patience. “First I need to know what troubles your brother so. Then we can work on everything else.” 

Kíli gulped, eyes flicking to his brother’s sleeping form. He just wanted him back. If it was possible, he would turn back time to before the quest, when things had been easier. Then his heart ached at the thought of never having met Tauriel and he loathed himself a little. 

“It’s a long story, Ma.” He breathed, trying and failing to gather his thoughts. “He’s… working himself into the ground. He’s miserable.” 

“That much I can see, child but what brought this on? What can we do?” 

Kíli licked his lips, trying to go back to the beginning in his mind to relay everything properly. 

He told her everything from how they stayed behind in Laketown only to find their uncle in the grips of madness when they finally made it to the mountain. How the battle went, the fear and horror when the two of them had been separated and he thought his brother dead. 

He paused at the tears that started to well in his mother’s eyes at that. “I should have checked, ma! He looked… and I thought - and I couldn’t think! All I wanted to do was make them pay and-“ 

“None of that, Kíli. I- I understand more than you can imagine, my baby.” It was testament to the things he had been through that he did not protest the old endearment. He had minded things like that much more than his brother. 

“I just don’t know what to do, Ma. He’s always been there for me and I want to help but I don’t know how!” He flinched at his own tone, eyes flickering to his brother’s sleeping form, afraid that he might disturb this one moment of rest. 

“If not for the elves and Sigrid, neither of us would have made it. Dain’s healers had not come to us and it was too much for Oin by himself.” 

Her mother’s expression turned to stone suddenly looking so much like their uncle that Kíli felt a pain deep in his gut. 

“Fíli sent him off. I still don’t quite know how he managed it but he did!” He continued quickly, fearing that she might grab her weapon and make after the Lord of the Iron Hills in her fury.   
“But then Nori had found some remnants of the Orc-army and we did not have the numbers to take care of them. Not with the elves gone as well. This is why Fíli invited the Men in Dale to shelter here. It took some convincing and some refused but then they were already upon the town.” 

Dís gave another deep sigh. “No wonder he’s not healed as well as he should have by now. He has not rested, has he?” 

Kíli shook his head. “No, he hasn’t and when he confronted Dain… and then of course when the orcs came he rode to Dale because-“ He broke off because this was not his place to tell his mother in fact, he was already feeling guilty for omitting Tauriel and her part in the tale for the moment. He just was not ready to face that yet, it would only distract from the more immediate issue of Fíli suffering the way he was. 

His mother’s hand on his neck brought him back to the present. How long had he been sitting there, overwhelmed by his own thoughts? 

“In that case, we will just have to make sure he stays in bed, won’t we? And now that Dain and the elves are gone and the men taken care of, he should recover soon enough, don’t you worry.” 

Kíli hesitated then nodded. 

“Now you need to get to bed yourself again.” Dís got to her feet and held out her hand for him to help him back up. 

“I’m fine, ma.” Kíli grouched and with a glance at his brother, reached to squeeze her hand but did not get up. “Let me stay here a bit more. I’m sure Balin and the others are keen to speak to you.” 

She smiled at him and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead. With one last look at her older son, she marched out the door, Kíli fully expecting her to give the older members of the company a piece of her mind about pushing responsibilities on Fíli. He wished he could see it but he wanted to stay with his brother, still worried about him.

**Author's Note:**

> Frerin was born 40 years before the Lord of the Rings and because I really like the idea of Sigrid and Fíli having a child and he can’t be much younger due to, well human aging, I decided to change his age after the wonderful Borys68 got me some reliable information about dwarves that I had been unable to find! I wanted baby!Frerin but I may sneak him in later.
> 
> Update: I have been incredibly inconsistent about some spelling of names. I will have to go back and fix it at some point. Please ignore for the moment. I wrote this with no beta so all mistakes are mine.


End file.
